feminist.

i feel like i've written about this before.
feminism.
it feels like a never ending thing that i keep hearing about...
that i can't seem to quite define.
i looked up the definition of feminism and it states..."the advocacy of women's rights on the groups of political, social and economic equality to men."
i'm sure there's more depth to this.
but i have to admit...
i think i'm a feminist.
i always want to see women win although i am not quite sure how to feel about alot of them.
i even sometimes find it difficult to coexist with some of them.
but that doesn't mean i don't want to see them win.
all women deserve to win. and win big.

i think this all floods to my mind when i watch and listen to segments about women in our society (home and abroad) that are just taking their lives by the horns and running off with it. im inspired by the stories. they remind me to continue despite what i may be feeling at the time. they push to run out of my own skin and be okay with being outside myself...exploring.

this is what i think of feminism. exploration. a woman's exploration of herself to push for other women to explore as well. it's liberating. and loving. and free.

yrsa daley-ward is a storyteller. she did a beautiful piece that i've watched more times than necessary. i'm not sure if she knows it...but she's a feminist.

the gap and my discovery of never having it....

the gap.
its the thing that brought the photo shop scandal to beyonce.
and here it is...plaguing my damn life every day.
ever since i can remember...even in tip top shape...i never had the gap.
so when i looked in the mirror on a weigh in morning reminding myself that one i would have the gap so that i would know i had done the work...
that whole thing went away by the end of the day.
i couldnt believe i still thought "the gap" was possible. maybe it was but not with my body.

i would like to think i am very comfortable in my skin. that i am accepting of my body flaws and curves and all that. but really...i wasnt. because "the gap" is what models on beaches have. its what the women who are in my gym everyday that look like what i hope to kind of look like when im back in that hard core shape again. but me?

again...
at the end of the day looking in the mirror after a shower. i realized.
"the gap" wasnt coming for me. it wasnt meant for me.

i come from a long line of thick thighs. thighs that were meant to kiss and touch. and because they did...it did not mean they were not toned and beautiful. it did not mean that i was any less healthy or athletic than the other women i saw in the gym. it just meant that my body was different. that my build was different. and instead of trying to tear it down and destroy it...i needed to embrace the beauty of what it contributes to my curves.

so i dont hate them after all.
it is a balancing act in my mind to be okay with them.
and to relinquish that bit of self hate is a step in the right direction!
no gap is okay =)

nostalgia - ashanti

the only thing i wanted to share today is....ashanti.

i find myself in alot of nostalgia like moments. and today is no different.

i have no idea what ashanti is doing lately but i remember many times sitting in my room jamming to ashanti's first album with my sister or my friend ashley...literally singing the day away.

idk. that album was the ish. and i wanted to share that. 

the day.

hmmm....

i told myself i would write more often. reflections and such.

there are alot of times the mind is always going and im never quite sure what to say...
because the mind is always going and there's always something going on.

today the current events that ran through my mind...
- oil
- nigeria
- paris
- #blacklivesmatter
- beyonce...not pregnant
- the Panthers are out of the playoffs...and the Cowboys

just a few of the things that had my mind going. the brain has got to be tired.

when i was on the gym today, i decided to just sit...quietly...in the sauna. i did that for about an hr in up to 160 degrees. stretching and inhaling and exhaling...the yoga experience. i saw this older woman standing in the mirror outside the sauna door. i think she was waiting for someone who was in a stall. a spanish...mexican...or something like that...she was so short. a very small woman. she was just standing in the mirror...not looking at it but just looking toward it.

i just noticed her face. the relaxed look of it. the simplicity of it. and the hardness of it. i wondered what she did for a living. she looked north of 40...maybe 50...i wondered what it was she had done all these years. what has she seen? this was a woman who had seen the 60s of this world. sometimes i wish i could have seen the 60s of this world. when things were dramatically different. more than anything i figured she was a mother. and i wondered whether she shared those journeys with her daughter. but she had lived. a life that may not have been perfect or clear or simple. but she lived. and it mattered.

thats the lesson that i learned today. you matter. i matter. we matter.

-bk

its like...

rolling over and nestling in
being weary and having someone catch you
being naked and you're fully dressed
'are you sleep?' '...no'
never ending comfort
never ending anxiety
open windows on a cool stormy day...naked
NYE kisses on the patio in the dark

not a fucking care in the world nobody came to the party - but you



:) bk - love

morning

this reminds me of ever present God is. how beautifully the sun rises each day...diligently. to shine for us. even with clouds. you're purposeful today! :)

hello.

there are some songs...even albums that resonate with me. some songs or albums just kind of remind you of a time and place in your life. flood of memories and what not.

2014 forest hills drive by j cole just does all the above. i think its the first hop hop album ive heard in awhile (because wale is a close favorite and his Gifted album was EVERYTHING) that reminds you of how beautiful words can be. how words MEAN things. and even the lack of them.
this album reminds me of regret, concern, sadness, joy, hard work, excitement, celebration, stress, worry, love, aspirations, admiration...damn, alot.

im kinda obsessed with it. and my favorite song on the album right now is...none other than..."hello"
you should take a listen. and be inspired.

love.