one step at a time.

i was such an awkward black girl growing up. as Pastor is going through this "Ridiculous" sermon series, tonight, we focused on some things NOT to do while journeying through faith. my favorite F word. 

one thing that i realized tonight is that...it must be a blessing and a curse to be me. the joy and value that i find in solitude sometimes is eerie. im grateful to God for it because when we have no comfort in being alone, how can we know when someone is actually adding to us? 

my prayer for myself and each woman (particularly single ones) that i know is that we become fully aware of our value. our solitude is God's way of dancing with us. value it. He is just finding ways to spend time with us by allowing us to be exposed to things/people that we would not have being connected with someone at this point in our lives.

it is my desire that for every step that i take that God will be taking two steps. especially when it comes to those walking in and out of my life (and yours). that we will be strength for them as they are for us. and i think that's one of the most beautiful things about faith. God says deny you and trust Me. and that's often meaning you need to walk alone. 

as if there are no other options.

i must disclose. darn, i miss my short hair. i really do. i think i've done the extremes with hair, and with the summer upon us...im really wanting to cut it all again. thoughts and decisions...


today i was thinking how not meaningful some people choose to lead their lives.
i heard a story about a guy that was selfish.
he lived that way and thought it was okay.
he took more than he gave.
and then he died.
and not even his family really wanted to entertain him in his living.
surely not at his death.

i wonder. do people ever think there is more to life than the life they're living?
although the desire is to pursue life to the fullest because we are aware of it's shortness.
do we care to care about others.
does YOLO have to include booze, gossip and meaningless relationships?
maybe it works for some.

but for others seeking to go beyond.
it's admirable. i really truly admire people who go beyond their comfort.
more importantly, who hault their self righteousness to pursue a faith walk of uncomfort.
that's insanity.
that is faith.

and i figured it was important to share that walking in faith should be an action as if there are no other options. it's selfless. it is raw. it is necessary, in my opinion, to say you lived.

DTR.

DTR. it was the discussion that we had over a late work night and a much needed drink.

DTR = define the relationship

no need to name names. im sure many have been there. been dating someone and never quite had the discussion about where the "relationship" was going. maybe there was a blur between friendship to intimacy that hasn't made you quite aware of whether or not it's appropriate to discuss it. or maybe you have been hanging out with that person and havent generated the courage to discuss it. regardless of what it may be...if you're in DTR stage, you are probably encountering a near by awkward conversation (depending on how long you have been dating)

i am no expert. but i have seen enough epic dating fails to become aware that DTR should be at the top of your list if your desire is to date someone long term and the marry. although you should get creative on how to approach it here's some tips i recommend on when to have the conversation:

1) 3 month rule: It takes 90 days for most companies to give you full benefits. Align with this rule when dating and needing to DTR. 90 days should give you sufficient enough time to have an idea of whether this person is worth considering beyond 90 days. If they haven't given you reason to believe they should go beyond that yet, they can stay in the friend category while you continue the pursuit or get to know that person better.

2) Sex: Let's say you didn't make the 90 days before you gave full benefits. Well, sex changes everything. You should now have DTR. If it was a random thing, forget it. If not, you need to attempt to salvage this situation by addressing your desire to have a long term relationship. I would highly recommend discontinuing the sex as it complicates the psychology of a woman, but you're an adult. You should be aware of the pleasure and pain that sex can bring when introduced to a relationship prematurely.

3) Long after 3 months: You're well overdue! At this point, I assume that you haven't made it clear what you're seeking. This is usually how people end up not having DTR have 90 days. Usually it's those who "go with the flow" when dating. I highly disagree with that method. It only opens up the opportunity for someone to take over your dominion (check separate post) and basically get benefits without commitment. You don't want that if it's your desire to have a long term relationship. However, proceed with care. This is where you probably need to get creative in your approach and probably re-evaluate this situation. If this person hasn't brought up DTR ask yourself (1) is this someone i really want to date/marry? (2) is this not a priority to him/her? Once you have gotten over this hump, you may decide you're ready to cut ties or finally have a conversation about what exactly you both are doing. If you're at this point, you've probably gone way past point #2, and may God be with you.

DTR can sometimes be awkward, but it's only awkward if you don't know where you stand. Sometimes...it's just natural, and hopefully you get lucky on that route.

Happy dating.

dominion.

what a beautiful evening houston was. beautiful. it felt like an actually Spring day, and i find that quite odd. are we in our last days? idk. it should be 150 degrees by now, but im not complaining.

i want to make a better habit of writing. when i want to rest, it seems like i have not much room for it. but then i have to remind myself that we make room for what we want to make room for. so hear i am.

dominion.

it's quite difficult to determine what this words means...to me. dominion from what i can recall in many lessons ive heard from Scripture is that dominion is possession. dominance. control.

as ive gotten older, its been my walking nature to be aware of my dominion. to be aware of the power that God has given. to be aware and knowledgeable that you can worthy of the control God has given you.

i think i was aware of my passive aggressive nature when i was a kid. it always those closest to you that challenge your dominion. well, challenges they were. i learned quickly that taking dominion often means getting serious about who you allow to speak and act in your life. speak and act.

im grateful that there is growth but still a ways to go. i am. you are. consistently challenged.

ive come to a point that when my dominion is threatened...i have to make two decisions (1) flee or (2) fight. i think we are all aware of how this works. it's how we protect ourselves. sometimes it is okay to flee. sometimes it is necessary to flee. we have to. but other times, we need to take action and fight. action. easy to say difficult to do and often difficult to be fully aware of how long the fight may last before the dust settles and you are set free in the spirit. the fight. the action.

dominion.

i think the God IN us provokes us to challenge ourselves. our flesh is always toiling with just what to do. how to do it. and when to do it.

if i recall in Scripture properly..the only thing that i can recall Christ asking to "flee" was anything in contrary to the very own dominion of God.

i trust that dominion begins when you find your inner God. you are aware of the strength that you have. and the voice that you possess. dominion is not far from you.