as if there are no other options.

i must disclose. darn, i miss my short hair. i really do. i think i've done the extremes with hair, and with the summer upon us...im really wanting to cut it all again. thoughts and decisions...


today i was thinking how not meaningful some people choose to lead their lives.
i heard a story about a guy that was selfish.
he lived that way and thought it was okay.
he took more than he gave.
and then he died.
and not even his family really wanted to entertain him in his living.
surely not at his death.

i wonder. do people ever think there is more to life than the life they're living?
although the desire is to pursue life to the fullest because we are aware of it's shortness.
do we care to care about others.
does YOLO have to include booze, gossip and meaningless relationships?
maybe it works for some.

but for others seeking to go beyond.
it's admirable. i really truly admire people who go beyond their comfort.
more importantly, who hault their self righteousness to pursue a faith walk of uncomfort.
that's insanity.
that is faith.

and i figured it was important to share that walking in faith should be an action as if there are no other options. it's selfless. it is raw. it is necessary, in my opinion, to say you lived.

DTR.

DTR. it was the discussion that we had over a late work night and a much needed drink.

DTR = define the relationship

no need to name names. im sure many have been there. been dating someone and never quite had the discussion about where the "relationship" was going. maybe there was a blur between friendship to intimacy that hasn't made you quite aware of whether or not it's appropriate to discuss it. or maybe you have been hanging out with that person and havent generated the courage to discuss it. regardless of what it may be...if you're in DTR stage, you are probably encountering a near by awkward conversation (depending on how long you have been dating)

i am no expert. but i have seen enough epic dating fails to become aware that DTR should be at the top of your list if your desire is to date someone long term and the marry. although you should get creative on how to approach it here's some tips i recommend on when to have the conversation:

1) 3 month rule: It takes 90 days for most companies to give you full benefits. Align with this rule when dating and needing to DTR. 90 days should give you sufficient enough time to have an idea of whether this person is worth considering beyond 90 days. If they haven't given you reason to believe they should go beyond that yet, they can stay in the friend category while you continue the pursuit or get to know that person better.

2) Sex: Let's say you didn't make the 90 days before you gave full benefits. Well, sex changes everything. You should now have DTR. If it was a random thing, forget it. If not, you need to attempt to salvage this situation by addressing your desire to have a long term relationship. I would highly recommend discontinuing the sex as it complicates the psychology of a woman, but you're an adult. You should be aware of the pleasure and pain that sex can bring when introduced to a relationship prematurely.

3) Long after 3 months: You're well overdue! At this point, I assume that you haven't made it clear what you're seeking. This is usually how people end up not having DTR have 90 days. Usually it's those who "go with the flow" when dating. I highly disagree with that method. It only opens up the opportunity for someone to take over your dominion (check separate post) and basically get benefits without commitment. You don't want that if it's your desire to have a long term relationship. However, proceed with care. This is where you probably need to get creative in your approach and probably re-evaluate this situation. If this person hasn't brought up DTR ask yourself (1) is this someone i really want to date/marry? (2) is this not a priority to him/her? Once you have gotten over this hump, you may decide you're ready to cut ties or finally have a conversation about what exactly you both are doing. If you're at this point, you've probably gone way past point #2, and may God be with you.

DTR can sometimes be awkward, but it's only awkward if you don't know where you stand. Sometimes...it's just natural, and hopefully you get lucky on that route.

Happy dating.

dominion.

what a beautiful evening houston was. beautiful. it felt like an actually Spring day, and i find that quite odd. are we in our last days? idk. it should be 150 degrees by now, but im not complaining.

i want to make a better habit of writing. when i want to rest, it seems like i have not much room for it. but then i have to remind myself that we make room for what we want to make room for. so hear i am.

dominion.

it's quite difficult to determine what this words means...to me. dominion from what i can recall in many lessons ive heard from Scripture is that dominion is possession. dominance. control.

as ive gotten older, its been my walking nature to be aware of my dominion. to be aware of the power that God has given. to be aware and knowledgeable that you can worthy of the control God has given you.

i think i was aware of my passive aggressive nature when i was a kid. it always those closest to you that challenge your dominion. well, challenges they were. i learned quickly that taking dominion often means getting serious about who you allow to speak and act in your life. speak and act.

im grateful that there is growth but still a ways to go. i am. you are. consistently challenged.

ive come to a point that when my dominion is threatened...i have to make two decisions (1) flee or (2) fight. i think we are all aware of how this works. it's how we protect ourselves. sometimes it is okay to flee. sometimes it is necessary to flee. we have to. but other times, we need to take action and fight. action. easy to say difficult to do and often difficult to be fully aware of how long the fight may last before the dust settles and you are set free in the spirit. the fight. the action.

dominion.

i think the God IN us provokes us to challenge ourselves. our flesh is always toiling with just what to do. how to do it. and when to do it.

if i recall in Scripture properly..the only thing that i can recall Christ asking to "flee" was anything in contrary to the very own dominion of God.

i trust that dominion begins when you find your inner God. you are aware of the strength that you have. and the voice that you possess. dominion is not far from you.

possibly impossible?

single. black. female. 3 words that when put together almost seem like a death sentence. im over exaggerating, but am i really? going into the new year...no expectations on my part. but alot of women who fit in these 3 words...are really looking to be found...should that even be how it goes? should love FIND you or should you be actively engaging in the search process? plenty of questions...

a friend sent me this article. i laughed. idk if this woman, but i was thouroughly amused that he thought i could. am i though? hmmm...

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married
how accurate is this for you? welp, i'd figured i'd share and let you decide if you fit the mold.

BE ENCOURAGED!

Article Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

He is not idle...

the year is winding down...maybe everything on your year's "to do" list didn't get down but praise God that each day is actually a new day. we sow and we reap. we sow and we reap. and we live another day to do it again. be encouraged by this simple yet powerful verse. dream on dreamers.



Psalm 126:5 
"Those who sow in tears shall reap in joy"

FAST REPORT: did you ask for it?

i had every sole intention to talk about a bumper sticker i saw on a car today. ive seen it 2-3 days in a row, but i guess it's fitting to include it in the new topic that just came to me while watching Steve Harvey host Praise the Lord on TBN. he made a statement that started ringing bells in my head: a passion and a gift is two different things. so whats your gift? have you asked (God)?

i sat there and thought for a minute...going through my mind what my passion(s) and what my gift(s) were and are. based on what he shared, a passion is something that you chase after because you feel like ur obligated to it. its a drive in you. a gift is something that was given to you that cant be taken away but with God...we still have to discover what that is. for some, it is easy to discover. for others, it takes a while. he went on to say that someone once told him that there's two important times in your life: 1. the day you were born 2. the day you discover why you were born

i feel very comfortable in the life God's granted me so far. he has allowed me to become a better giver and in turn, he has blessed me, covered me, allowed good people to be in my life and im grateful. but since starting this fast, since starting some other new ventures...im like, "Lord...WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO???" It's scary when you feel a little left out of God's loop. Questions go through your mind that possibly you missed that whisper you should have caught.

But I'm on Day 15 of A Call to Die (25 days to go) and the title is "The Risk of Grace". And it's teaching the lesson that real grace is walking in obediance in a radical situation. think about Peter, Paul and countless others who follwoed Christ despite not being aware exactly where Jesus was going.

It reminds that the same goes for following a gift versus seeking after a passion. There's risk. But the common thread is being able to decipher the difference in the direction that you should go....

one of the statements in this Day of the books says: If you and I are serious about following Christ, we can be assured of two things: suffering and God's strength to endue it in faith.

i think that statement brings great comfort to deciding whats a passion and whats your gift in this life. the fear of not knowing when or where to go makes us stay stagnant and deny the innate gift God gave each of us which is...is TAKE RISKS & ASK QUESTIONS.

and so the irony of all the day's events come back to the bumper sticker i saw the past few days: well behaved women rarely make history. God's really keeping my eyes open lately. im challenging myself to decipher my passions and my gifts to pinpoint my missions.

surely God has the answers for us..the question is: are we asking the right questions?

in case you're counting: it's day 11 of the fast.

FAST REPORT: im starving.

cloudy day in houston on a wednesday thats actually pretty awesome in my book. it's mid week. friday is almost here but the clouds are only a prelude to the thought that i could and should be working this weekend. depressing to even consider but im moving right along to my theme today....HUNGER.

im really doing good on my eating habits. when i crave, i eat what i crave. i enjoy it thouroughly but im cautious about the foods i indulge in and when. im a food addict. i love food. i like trying new foods and lately...i find myself getting hungry waaayyy too often. maybe its because that late night work out...burning all those calories then i feel the need to eat. i usually turn to an apple, but if im up long enough...it turns into 2-3 bowls of cereal (usually raisin bran crunch).

but i had a late meeting at church tonight, and i was debating whether to go work out...i was getting hungry just thinking about it. my mind was racing about where i could stop to eat. wasnt in the mood for fast food, and i only like to eat at Fadi's on Thursdays. then i remembered i had a coupon for jack in the box...yes! i love coupons in fact. i used one of my jack in the box coupons this past weekend. and all i wanted was to pull up to a drive thru and get two tacos and a regular cookies and cream shake.....soooo good! with the coupon i'd be getting a 3-4 combo for $1....thats amazing, right??!

so im coming to the light where jack in the box is...and i keep driving! i couldnt understand why my arms wouldnt turn the wheel and go into the drive thru. i opted for the gym instead with a 1.5 hour work out to drain the disgust i had of myself wanting to see those delicious calories at this late in the evening. it'd be days to work it off. but i was reading Day 14 of A Call to Die and what was the title??? Can you just guess?

The title was: Too full to eat?

Irony? Maybe, but I doubt it. It was totally opposite from how i was feel earlier. I was starving! But when I was getting that starving feeling..I just ate pasta and a salad at church. An hour before that i had dinner at work and 3-4hrs before that i hate lunch! so whhhhyyy was i still hungry??!

I'm going to let that be my weekend's thought about what is it that I'm really hungry for. But in the book, it shares that the hunger that we have for worldly things should be a resounding bell in our relationship with Christ. Like when we're in a relationship with another person...we want to give them our all and show them our best. Isn't Christ, whom died for us, worth the same attention?

He shares two key Scriptures & a testimony (that you really just have to pick up the book to just really allow that thing to marinate on your mind and yoru heart) that really pulled things together for me:

Matthew 5:6 says, " Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled." And I think of this Scripture as a testimony to how God consistently grants me mercy and grace despite me. Sometimes I feel like Peter did on the boat when God said "cast your nets" and when Peter was finally filled because he finally listened to God he fell to his knees and bowed and said, and I paraphrase, "Lord, get out of my sight because I am a sinner." I feel Peter on that. We're hungry and we're thirsty, but we don't want to comply with the directions the Director is giving. Why is this so hard?

Jeremiah 15:16 says, "When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O Lord God Almighty." This is so true. We all bear His name by being born, whether we know it or not. We go further in bearing His name when we define ourselves as His followers. "I am a Christian, right?" < this might be another lesson. But Jeremiah's words seemed to sail on the page seamlessly because it seemed like it came from the heart. Like a short poem to just honor God and say, "I was hungry, and you fed me."

Irony? Nah, I think God's requesting me to eat a whole lot more than what I'm currently consuming. Just eat out of the right bowls, B. The right bowls.

note: day 4

FAST REPORT: casting the net.

on day 2 of my social networking fast. didn't think it would be this difficult. im not even allowed to go to the site to peep around..nope! deleted the apps from my phone and it's definately not easy. i almost feel...pathetic. i was thinking when i woke up, "what a great revelation i just had. i should share it on twitter." out of the question! and then my mind started thinking...what did you do before you started this social networking nonsense? WRITING! i was an active journal/diary writer, and since the fast started, i've had at leats one entry a day in my journal and posted here so im on a roll! it's not like i can do anything else...

but the fast was much needed. it came to me that between the social sites/apps i visit, almost daily, i've totally neglicted my need to read and devote more time to quiet time. spending that 10-15 minutes just browsing those sites left little time to just be still...in my God space and totally disconnected. so im going to try and stay as committed as i can to this and not find something other than my purposed resources to fill those spaces.

in the meantime, didnt know God was going to start working so soon...three things struck me this weekend to become my week's focus. nothing that i had planned to find something in...it just came to me.

(1) the movie Limitless
(2) Day 12 "Death...and your good clothes" of the Book A Call to Die
(3) Pastor's sermon today "Go Fish"

Not gonna lie, Limitless was a good movie! At the end of the movie, I really couldn't grasp if I should be learning something from this movie or whether it was just a display for pure entertainment and nothing to really take from it. If you haven't seen it, I'm definately going to spoil it a little bit, but I'm concerned whether this movie gives a false since of security that a certain staus is equivalent to happiness. That money and power can solve all of your problems. What in fact happened is the people who took the pill totally became different type of people. It reminded me of someone who had a few drinks. That might be totally mellow otherwise, and a few drinks turns them into a different type of person. They become addicted to that person they are when they drink that having fun without the drink is almost impossible. It isn't reality, and it's just a cover up. I thought at the end of the movie...did he kill the old person he was in order to have this person? It made me wonder how do I value success? How do I define my happiness? Saturday, I was riding down Richmond. Windows down, music going and I'm genuinely happy. I have no worries, and I regret nothing. I have no envy for what others have because I'm aware that if God wanted me to have it, I'd have it. I may not make 100k, but my life FEELS LIKE I make 100k. It's worth more to me to have that joy. Even more so, that joy attracts great things that are for you to happen in your favor. So why need a miracle pill for something God's already lined up for you? Good movie though. Plus, I hate pharmaceutical drugs, so I'd pass anyway!

Sadly, I'm still working on the book A Call to Die. A 40 day read, and I'm three months in. Really sad, but I do plan to finish it this time. Day 12 focused on Colossians 3:5,9-10. It seemed to reiterate the reason I decided to do this version of my fast. Kill the earthly nature in order to indulge in "renewed knowledge in the image of its Creator". This book has really been challenging me to be a more mindful thinker. To be aware that growing is a different process at different staging in our lives. My growth process now is different than 2-3 years ago so when I read that Scripture saying find "renewed knowledge"...I was confused at first. Now, I'm aware that one lesson observed in the Bible maybe a few years ago is totally different to my life now. In fact, the way I react to understanding the purpose is different. I'm consistently grateful to the revelations of this book. It's not an easy read though especially because it's all about bringing awareness to where you need to develop better. But how fun would life be if it was always comfortable anyway?

Pastor started a sermon series today. I wasn't even going to go to service today, but I was reeled in by my conscious/Holy Spirit ...however you would like to call it. His lesson came from a familiar Scripture in Luke 5..or is it 6? One of them it is when Jesus was with Simon (Peter) when he went fishing to cast his net off the boat. The sermon really solidified my confirmation that my social networking fast was not only necessary but in alignment to take my networking to a different level not only with God but with people. Pastor continued to reiterate that Simon didn't understand the purpose why Jesus requested him to cast his net again even though he'd been fishing all day and didn't catch anything! I totally understand Peter's perspective. Sometimes the purpose of something that God places on our heart isn't always going to be in full vision at that moment. Is that what faith is for? It takes the place of fear. Wow, irony that we've been teaching the kids all month about having courage.

So it seems like every year is becoming a new lesson about allowing your senses to be awakened in a different way. In the movie, his senses were opened in a pill. In Scripture, Simon's senses were awakened after Jesus showed his committment to Simon even though he was doubtful of Him. It's all about being awakened and not losing yourself in order to superficially fit into a mold that doesn't (1) bring joy (2) reconcile your place with God. Casting out our nets to totally find exactly what we need in order to get everything we want. Taking the chance on trusting God on His many promises and making ourselves step out of the norm in order to fulfill those needs. In the end, without the two, it's impossible to totally be free. Freedom is in death of self.

Can you really pray away gay?

It's been almost 2 weeks since the documentary aired on the OWN Channel facilitated by Lisa Ling. Intriguing title, right? As a Christian, I was instantly enticed. As a human, I was curious about the dynamic of certain people's thought processes. Let me begin by saying that YES I do believe that you can pray the gay away. According to Scripture, not only can we "move mountains" but with faith the size of a muster seed, God can do ANYTHING. [Mark 11:22-24] & [Luke 17:6]

I did a previous post where I visited an art exhibit that focused on the GLBT community. It was...interesting, but could I ever say I understand what it's like to be gay? Hell no. Never. The place where we collide is when they make the bold decision to say, "I'm a Christian." In thought, this is a complete oxymoron, right? How can you be gay and be Christian? Wait, remember the story of Soddom and Gommorah? Don't you remember the Bible stating that man and man and woman and woman should not lie together?

TANGENT: Why is Christianity always singled about this? How come no one discusses this in other religions, and Yahweh (who is Christ in the New Testament) gets all the hate? If you have an answer, I'd love to talk with you.

Hmmm...it seems like a collision of extreme differences. I must admit. I don't see the courage in "coming out the closet". I see the courage in admitting you love God even if you run the risk of Him not loving you back (according to what gay-bashers believe). I've come to the conclusion that our relationship with God is different for each one of us. With the years of stigma against homosexuality, who would chose that life? I do not, necessarily, believe that ALL of them chose to go down this road. However, I do believe that God uses each one of us differently which is why we go down different paths in order to receive Him.

The core of the film made me realize a motif after observing the different lifestyles: (1) Prior gay man who was now married with two children (2) Gay man who used to condemn the lifestyle and eventually embraced it with a partner (3) Teens who are gay and found community in a camp that embraced them (4) Gay man who engulfed in the lifestyle and turned from it after visiting a church < The motif, common thread, I discovered in eahc of them was that...THAT EACH LOVED GOD!

I was entralled by their committment to still serve God regardless of the direction they went. I believe God speaks to each of us in His way, and I can't state that there's one sin that God hates more than another. I am aware that God's heart is broken when our heart is not with Him. Isaiah 29: 13 says, "The Lord says: "These people come near to me with their mouth and honor me with their lips, but their hearts are far from me. Their worship of me is made up only of rules taught by men."

Yet, I identify with the Christians who sincerely believe that find no liking to the lifestyle or the decision to live it because in the end there's free will..which I agree. We must be mindful that as Christians/Non-Christians we cannot make others adopt our view. Their heart has to be drawn to God.

Towards the end of the film, one of the men mentioned that he believed that he didn't make up his mind that being gay was wrong...God did. Does he believe that a gay person can still go to Heaven? Why, yes. Why? Because he believed that God is more concerned with the matters of the heart.

Do I believe that being gay is wrong? I believe it's contradicting to what the Word says is the foundation of procreating and establishing a family is. It is a sin just like lying, adultery or dishonoring our parents. We just weren't made to do the things that God created a man and woman to do with the same sex. But more than anything, the Bible says that Jesus died that all who love Him with live with Him forever. The center of Christ is love when you chase after Him. And our purpose is to love the person not the sin. It is no different than anyone I know who is having issues with any other life choice.

But I actively encourage those who identify themselves as gay and struggling with the direction that God wants them to go to...PRAY! I believe that there is sincere power in prayer, and God is capable of doing ANYTHING if we chose to follow Him.

We're all fighting a battle trying to go the same way. I just figured I'd offer my honest opinion. This was a great documentary. If you are interested in viewing it, you can visit oprah.com/OWN to few the episode.

you're beautiful.

a friend shared this with me. the video immediately had me captivated. what is this? two black people...nude? i dont think they will play this on television! but as i kept watching...i felt like i looking at moving art. i havent been captivated by music (at least the recent releases) in a long time.

this video. this song. made.me.think.about.love. and what it looks like. and what it feels like. and what it sounds like. it sounds like...harmony. this video. this song. is abstract. you can look at it, hear it and embrace it from many different directions. it is indeed art.

i know many of us have wondered if "real love" with another person outside of the love we're already offered with God...is real. is love like that real? the man he craddled her. the way she looked at him...like a king. she trusted this man so mcuh so that carrying on his "legacy" was a privledge to her. i am engulfed by the committment by this couple.

i just wanted to share it. a reminder to myself. a reminder to countless faithful singles who are believing, just like i am, that a king/queen is the future and that a committment like this would be like singing to the Heavens that you're proud to stand close enough to them to be one person.

enjoy.

Artist: Timothy Bloom
Site: Facebook or MySpace
Lyrics: CLICK HERE

where is he?

so, i woke up one morning. felt this and just wrote it without thinking about it. i like it. it's definately apparent that even though in regular conversation with friends and others im not talking about my singleness...my subconcious is definately wondering when it is i plan on handling this subsequent event in my life. well, thats totally up to God and not me but im sharing my subconcious thoughts. i thought this song (via video) but pretty fitting to what i think love should be like. i love this song. enjoy.



i talk too much
im so driven that when i wake up my thoughts and visions had already stored up
for me to write in the morning's sun rise

im consumed in the movement and consistently trying to find ways to improve it
methodically, i share my thoughts
spiritually, im lining up
artistically, i am liberated from myself
but thats just me
where is he?

the one to draw me speechless and make this poetic song bird listen..just once
the once to put me in a submissive and caring space - you're the teacher and im the student
and i just want to be in tuned to you
lost in thoughts, sharing visions and our translations are one in the same...
where is he?

if i were a boy...

i hope everyone have a great christmas! i had a great day, and i kind of wish christmas had ended up thursday so i could have that extended weekend before i have to go back to work. but it's cool. but i was driving home from my mom's and i was thinking about, 'wow, if i were married, i wonder what would be going through my husband's mind at this time? would he be stressed out about the christmas thing? spending and all that?' and im not sure what drove me to the thought...

but it made me think...wow, i cant even imagine what its like to be a man...the minute he comes into the world he will carry it. and without proper guidance, it will be so hard for him to know how to handle the authority and power he's been given. just thinking about all the things that a man has to handle...hisself and then his family and everybody is expecting him to be everything. some men just cant handle that. they leave their kids. they leave their lives and they become like children just wanting to be but then the men whom actually chose to carry their cross and must walk through the public square and be subject to ridicule, praise, honor & dishonor...i just cant imagine the burden he carries...

& it brought to mind Mary's (Jesus's mother) husband Joseph. I mean, what was he supposed to do knowing that a man was being born from his wife whom he did not impregnate? A man who would come from his wife and be the man to change the world as he knows it? The Bible doesn't talk much about Joesph though...

but i never feel like they get enough credit. im sure Joseph had to get his ego in check to handle what was about the happen in his life. and i can only imagine the only countless men that ive known who have had to swallow their pride to humble themselves to be leader and follower simutaneously. and i have yet to believe that i will ever understand what it's like to be a man but unlike the "if i were a boy" song...i have great faith that ALL men have the best things to offer. in fact, God has ordained them to be our fathers, friends and leaders. and we should have no problem uplifting them when they EXCEED our expectations because they chose to stand in their authority. the issue is often our expectations are low and our brothers are running on low energy...

i read a quote from @MonicaMyLife via Twitter that said: To all my fellas so much is expected of you, but don't hesitate to reach out for help from those u love. Being 2 strong or 2hard will break u


i TOTALLY agree! sometimes we are quick to speak, quick to request and simply do not listen to them. you know...when Jesus got tired one time He sat at the well and asked the Samaritan woman if she could draw Him water. He told her things that other people did not know and she went back to tell others the Good News. i do not equate our brothas to Christ but the situation is similar. The men in our lives ask for a little when they know we demand alot and already know what we want and need. He is simply trying to get some wiggle run to become a priority on your list as much as you're a priority on his.
 
so the next time you're listening to that Beyonce track..don't forget their are countless, faceless and nameless men whom are working overtime on our behalf, on the behalf of our communities and their families. and aren't we glad that they still exist?

 
i'm praying & interceeding for all of you =)

got patience?

Can you think of a fruit of the Spirit that can be more frustrating than anything? I CAN!

PATIENCE.

im not gonna lie. i've heard Pastor give many messages related to this. for single women, "wait on your Boaz" for the married couple: "wait on the Lord" for the college student: "stay in there! God's got you!" to the single mom financially in need: "wait on the Lord He will renew your strength!"

the message is freakin frustrating. when you're anxious about the things that you feel entitled to or things you've been waiting for for like...EVER! but i thought i'd share the message I heard from Pastor before & how i've managed to deal with this --Patience-- thingy.

Message: It is delayed, but it is not denied.

OKKAAAYYYY....so he's basically saying "you gotta wait..a LIL while longer.." and i have to admit this just tugged at my heart strings. i take my life as an example. many things i had to wait for right? had to wait to go back to school after Katrina..had to wait for financial aid..had to wait to get a car..had to wait to get a job...& around the time Pastor delivered this message i was waiting for a clear direction because of the plans i prayed about & Pastor is telling to WAIT....AGAIN???!!

i submit and im tryna go down this road...use the gifts and all that good stuff but as Pastor kept speaking i started to let that message just marinate past my surface...past the hatred...past the pain...all that craziness and stuff...and meditate on Pslam 116:1-4 and it came back again today...


Psalm 116

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave a]" class="footnote">[a] came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :

"O LORD, save me!"

Is that not a cry out if you ever heard one? Just a desire to move OUT of the waiting room to the playing room...moving&shaking room...whatever you decide to call it.

I mentioned that Ecclesiates is a great reference of the percetion of time. There's a time for everything but also take into consideration of all the "times" listed in Ecclesiates...it never says a time to be "blessed" because regardless of the season we are in...we are ALWAYS blessed!
and Pastor asked us to understand why this delay maybe happening:

1. There is a delay when it's not God's timing.

2. God delays because He has to develop us.

3. While in delay, God is evaluating your diligence.

4. He will delay so that your blessing won't be destroyed.

Pastor emphasized that chronos (finite) is OUR time but chiros (eternity) is HIS time. and non-believers may consider these semantics but He is real and based on the COURSE of my struggle and my delays...He has GOT to have a better agenda for me. it's just all apart of the transition. Stress and strugglea strengthen us! Diffculty develops us for our DIVINE destine but when we are out of order...everything is out of order. It is NOT His will...

consider your finances or your relationships or networking opportunities when you listen to this verse:
Matthew 25:21 (New International Version)

21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'


THE REWARD IS BETTER THAN THE STRUGGLE! Don't expect elevation until He's evaluated you. Since when do we get free passes in life? Everybody want the EASY way out. So here's some tips that I follow to work on the whole patience thing in no particular order:

1. Do not be consumed with the immediate gratifications
2. Pray for God's angels to guide you & for your discernment to be open to the signs He gives
3. Consult others of authority including the Bible
4. Keep an open mind that plans can change


and so i continue to tell myself don't RUSH. be PATIENT. that man will be there when you get your life together. that woman will be there when you're standing upright for the Lord. that job will be there. that car can WAIT...if it's for you...it's gonna be catered to you!

but we are far from perfect so we still become frustrated, worried & concerned but as Pastor says: i speak from my imperfections. this isnt the first or the last time i, you or anybody has been in the waiting room. it's how we act when we're in there. and most importantly the memories of having had been there before and getting through it. there is no less reason than to continue to believe that we'll get through this one too =)





PLEASE NOTE: IF MY ARTICLE REGARDING PATIENCE IS PUBLISHED, IT WILL BE AVAILABLE AT ASSOCIATED CONTENT ON THE RIGHT.

did you forget something?

Note: PLEASE PRESS PLAY ABOVE!

Pastor gave a great sermon this morning reminding us about the reason for the season. It made me think about the many times I've been in the store...shopping during the holiday season..lists in hand and just occupied and then, without failure, i get this confused look on my face before i leave the register and take a look at how much i just spent. the cashier looks up at me and asks me, "are you forgetting something?" i usually reply by saying "no" but after hearing Pastor's sermon this year...i feel slight...shame. why is it every Christmas season we have to remind the kids...the adults..everybody exactly what the season is about? i felt like Pastor was asking..."hey, hey...are you forgetting something?"

Pastor summed up His sermon from Matthew 2 by reminding us that Christmas is about worship (which is really what we should do all the time) but to worship His coming through birth at Christmas time. It's all about the celebration of His works to come! It's a confirmation of another classic verse that says in two places Luke 12:34 and Matthew 6:21 - Where your treasures are, there your heart will be also. So the question is...where do our treasures lie? Where are our hearts?

It just made me think about..where are my treasures? It hasn't felt like Christmas since I was a kid. But Pastor continued that we've allowed the world's view of Christmas to take over the focus of what Christmas is which is CHRIST. We've removed that aspect to focus on giving and receiving gifts...which IS NOT bad but we've begun to idolize the whole concept that people are going in debt over it. THAT certainly isn't the way God wants it. children are making laundry lists of things they want and dont even have the foundatio nor the concept of what it is to give just as God gave His Son to us...hmmm THAT selfish spirit also is not the way God would want it for our children...

i wondered. does God think we live in a utopia? is He asking too much of us? but i've drawn the conclusion that He's only requesting the minimum similar to the tithe. It's only a portion of all that He's given to us. a PORTION. give me a little and i'll give you alot. it's like...He's ALWAYS working overtime for us. but then we make to feed our kids the whole Santa concept without really sharing the Christ story and feeding that into their spirits. i dont think it's bad to have christmas trees etc...i LOVE Christmas decorating but we give SANTA too much credit! Those whom are unbelievers or what have you...even believers...would like to feed their kids the concept of a man coming down their chimney, showing up once a year and giving all the kids in the world toys (unsupported by history and basically a fairytale) rather than the new first steps to the realization of a prophecy finally coming to past.

i believe that God, Pastor etc are asking of us is NOT to forget what this is all really about. don't forget the Truth. don't forget the reality of the situation. don't get lost in the world...so the song posted above has just really been in my spirit this whole week! and i finally tracked down who it belonged to via you tube today and really needed to share this song bc it's a ministry all it's own!

Song: Don't Forget The Baby - G. Mayes, NE & Nakitta Clegg-Foxx

sometimes i wonder how God can continue to love us in all of our ways but i remember that He said to forgive 70 times 70 and His love is endless to us...so take some time out of your laundry list of gifts to give to share with your children, a child, a family member and a neighbor the true reason for the season. you might forget 1 gift on your list just dont forget this one =)

happy holidays

How about you do something crazy…

After being single for almost two years now and absolutely content and happy at this point in my life, I wonder whether God is ready to invite love in my life again. It’s a very vague and under produced idea in my head but with so many around me entering this love season and others on the edge of divorce or divorced, I’m wondering whether I’m falling behind by not making it a priority to pursue love or scared because I’m not ready for the responsibility that love requires.

And then I had this great idea that in 2011…do something crazy…fall in love!

But is it really a crazy idea? Does love find you or do you find love? I ask myself these questions while buying grocery and trying to grab that item on the shelf that I can’t reach. A man would have been helpful with that. Or maybe when I’m trying to rush through the store, we could tag team and get things done quicker. I love the team work aspect of what the relationship is, but the love part?

I think the worse feeling in the world next to being shot is having to repair a broken heart. Sh*t hurts, right? You don’t know when it will heal or how you’ll get over it all and then somehow God shows you a silver lining that reminds that there’s an AFTER when you’re absolutely liberated from the disaster you once were. There is room to love all over again and not half way…all the way. I’m reminded of the moment when one of the disciples asked Jesus how many times to forgive and He said seventy times seven.

^^^



Unveiling yourself to someone else in hopes that they receive you in the same way that God receives you...is a lot to ask of a person. We become different people with a mission that now includes two and no longer are my feelings my sole responsibility. Someone else has some sort of control over how my feelings are and there are mines. And the true thought of what love is makes me weary that jumping into that boat prematurely will make me bitter like a Basketball Housewife. I could turn into a woman who never wants to marry like Halle or Oprah. I could become like countless women who say, “I wish that I had…”

But I’m trying to stay positive about it. I’m still in my youth to make a considerable amount of mistakes but just as I’m choosing to take risks with my career, why not do something as equally crazy and open my heart and my life to possibly looovvveee again. Because when you’re in it, it’s the best feeling in the world. The one place where you feel completely sane outside of having had found that wholeness in my singleness.

So yeaahh…we should take that quest together ladies and gentlemen. We should allow 2011 to open us up to being crazy in love like we once were before we knew what “the end” looked like. Because at the end of the day, you only need 1 to say “yes” and you only need to say “yes” to one.

naked.

Since high school, I’ve gained and loss…and gained again about 40 pounds. I look at my cheerleading uniform hanging in the closet at my mom’s house, and I couldn’t fit a thigh in there if I wanted to. Back then, we were so small! Back then, I was scarcely unaware of who I was also. In the past few years, I’ve grown to embrace everything about myself that I once didn’t find flattering physically and emotionally. It’s a point in my life when I realized I could be exposed, and I had no control over it. Scary and liberating but this is where I found the art of nudity.


When I think of the classic story of Adam & Eve, I feel like we’re cheated out of thinking deeper about their nakedness. There are rare instances in the Bible where they talk about nudity. As I’m dissecting the story, the bliss of Eden and the couple in their nakedness symbolizes so much freedom and pureness. They had nothing to hide because they were in perfection. However, after Eve was induced to lead her husband and herself into deception, they made nakedness a thing to hidden and covered….in Eden? I was curious what made think that in Eden, a place that God created, that they could hide the parts of them that God created? And in my best Chrisette Michele voice: it just came to me…like an epiphany....when God said, “Who told you that you were naked?” (Genesis 3:11)

It’s as if the word had no recognition to God because to Him we are always exposed, so how can man put a word on something that is natural? It is what we are all the time not only when our clothes are off. At a trying period of limbo for me, I realized that I was naked all the time. Not always to people but always to God…always. I was like Adam trying to hide from the world, hide from God and hide from myself. But how silly is it to deny yourself of reality?

EPHIPHANY! Even with the fall of Adam and Eve, God still carries their weight and in turn carries mine.

It’s like I woke up, totally in an Eden mindset that my garments, my heart and my mind are never shielded from God. Because of this realization, I started a journey of rediscovering my first loves beginning with myself. Physically and emotionally naked like never before.

The question I had to pose to myself (that I also encourage of others is): If you’re not comfortable being naked alone, how can you be naked with someone else? And now, I’m totally allowing myself to be freed because sometimes I’m rigid and afraid of exposure. But once God shines a light on you that shows you that you were never hiding…what’s the point of being in the shadows?

And since when do diamonds fit into square pegs?

what He says means alot...

Proverbs 16:7

it never jumped out to me before but these words say alot: "When the LORD takes pleasure in anyone’s way, he causes their enemies to make peace with them." & so while on my lunch break i was looking for something else and stumbled upon this. it personally made me giggle & smile on the inside. i start to think to myself: whatever could this mean..for anyone?

im thinking about the story of Samson & Delilah (Judges 13-16). if you've never read it..it's a must read and a whole other entry in & of itself! but the piece i connect to Proverbs 16:7 is that Samson had many enemies since we learned of his birth. but an angel came to Samson's mother and gave her promises about what Samson was going to do as a man according to God's will. Regardless of the the drama that Samson would go through, he was given a mission.

and when i look at the first part i wonder: at what point is it that God took pleasure in Samson's life? Samson was quite arrogant. Then he fell in love with a whore & lost everything. But then Judges 16:28 happened. Then Judges 16:29-30 happened. Samson admitted that he could not have his strength without God and ultimately fulfilled his mission but not without experiencing death.

it brought me back to the reality of some people's lives i know. how my <3 cries for the misguided...much how Samson allowed his desires to misguide him. but the amazing-ness of it is that there's pleasure to be found in the downturn that Samson had...the pleasure was his death.

Samson's death is much like Jesus's death on our behalf. A request. An invitation to a new life by allowing ourselves to be dead to our own desires. FINALLY Samson got the message and defeated his enemies just as God has intended for him to do.

reading Samson's story may appear like a sad one..he did die...but its evident that God's Word & words have sincerity & meaning. His messages for us are to lead us in the right direction and not the direction of death that we, mindlessly, define as life.

Samson's story continues to be one of my favorites. it's a constand reminder about love, self love, God's love & the pursuit of life and our dreams. i didn't think i'd get that from a small & short Scripture i just stumbled over today.

thought: learn from Samsom & avoid making similar mistakes but reminded that God's pleasure is the primary. those in opposition to God's plan for you will make many Delilah like moves...be careful.

<3 b

make love in cool weather.



i really do love what love is. and considering that many people via facebook and in my life or either engaged...married or embarking on promising relationships...i look forward to whatever that love looks like for me. not at all jealous. i am VERY content in what my journey in life looks like right now. God has been so effortlessly faithful to me. He has been a teacher & a provider without my realizing that all the things around me are for the greater good of His purpose for me. & as the weather is currently changing in Houston...i thought about this morning the Book of Ecclesiastes where it goes on to explain all the "times" there are in life. and i thought to myself..nowhere does it say it's a time to be blessed. why is that? because we're blessed in every season! the fact that we get to FEEL the changing weather reminds me that we're alive. there is energy running through us and we still can do what God has purposed for us to do. & then i reflect on my own place in life where i've simply embraced CHANGE. i look forward to change because i know it's God's way of shifting things.

i just want to encourage others to embrace change. embrace shifts and allow your ear to close to whatever it is the Spirit within and around you is trying to say. The Word says many times that we must discern His voice over others. we can only do that through prayer, meditation and alone time to reflect. take it. receive it & share it.

i just felt really positive about that Message on my heart this morning because God has been continuously abundant in all things around me. so a lil chill this morning was actually...refreshing. change in the weather just means a new reflection of beauty...love & life.

happy monday.

when i saw a ballerina dance...

photo courtesy of LA Times

im always in random awe at what love is capable of doing in people. and i dont mean romantic love i mean love..passion...for a something other than another person. like an art form, a cause or a mission. people who stand up for something simply out of love is an OVERWHELMING expression to me.

while visiting nyc a little while ago...i HAD to be at Alvin Ailey. after a semester of studying dance, visiting modern dance studios and actually having the opportunity to perform...i saw a new appreciation for what it is they do.

so while in nyc, i took a dance class which was...AH-mazing. so much fun. great class. kewl ass students i met and some waayyy more trained than me but the instructor was so in tune with us that the energy in there was crazy. like...nothing i ever experienced before. live drummers...all the movement and the sounds just suck you in. the hour just went by too fast. but while waiting for James to come...i got to see the REAL dancers dance.

do we ALL like to dance? duh. but the technicality of some of these people's work is outrageous. i saw REAL ballerinas and well trained modern dancers GLIDE across the floor. the fluidity of their bodies and damn...their bodies were AH-MAZING...i was just in awe struck. nothing like if i would have met a celebrity and although i was just sitting outside the room...i felt like i was sitting right in front of their rehearsal.

it made me sad & excited. sad because i was just an amateur. ugh, so far to go if i ever want to be like that. and then excited to just have shared the space. the energy they had was encouraging that when you chase after you're passions...you can glide across floors too. it's not like this came overnight for them. it took alot of hard work and Alvin Ailey isnt a run of the meal studio.

& seeing them work in such an intense and passionate way just showed so much LOVE that was there. love that they chased after and that as long as God had given them feet...there wasnt a soul that could take that kind of love away from them. isnt that was LOVE is all about? the passion? the essence of raw feelings that translate from the mind and into the limelight...or in their case...the dance floor? that's real, man and i was just so excited to know that this kind of love in its raw form can still blossom.

i figure this is the greatest lesson Alvin Ailey's class taught me: just be. feel it. embrace it. chase it. find the passion and take in the love.

tks <3

did FANTASIA bail out?

whew! so much drama surrounding ms. barrino right now! allegedly she tried to committ suicide and was admitted to the hospital. scary right? all of this after finding out her man's WIFE named her in a legal document regarding their separation...divorce...whatever it is. Fanny, i got a message for you..and maybe for yall too! read on...

one tweet i read on a monday morning from kirk franklin said: "i realized i love God but i dont always trust Him..." but i paraphrase him when he went on to say that trusting is a choice and it's a learned behavior....

hmmm...so i realize we're not meant to trust any and everything. furthermore, it's harder to trust someone who's tangible but not really tangible enough. then you get in the "complicated" phase (please see other blog on this topic) but you just have to lend your ear and heart and mind to God in order to know you're in the right direction. ahh...easy to say, i know!

i dont always trust God. lately, i've found myself barely trusting Him at all despite the fact that i've received confirmation about some things i've prayed about...alot of other things really haven't been confirmed for me. or have they? i'm always feeling like im...WAITING...which brings my waiting to year 23 and a half! but sometime when we feel like we've waiting TOO LONG...we get in a rush mode. "oh, i need this. im tired of waiting." or how about "man, ima just needa do this myself!" sound like you? well, it DOES sound like me and i think it's honest for believers to admit that we don't always trust God. we looking for a BAIL OUT.
on my way to work, i speed sometimes. speeding to get to the next place and wanting everybody to get out of my way. my sisters, friends etc always tell me that i drive too slow...idk if im attempting to prove a point to myself that i could get anywhere in record time without having any issues or what but after returning from fiesta texas and pulling up to our over night stay...i got pulled over.

the officer told me i didnt stop at the red light..."your tires never stopped moving...you didn't come to a complete stop..." he said to me. "you have to come to a complete stop ma'am. that's what the sign is there for." and i simply replied w/ a "i complete understand" but after he gave me a warning and let me go on my way..i didn't understand the importance of what he had said...to be honest..i hadnt even realized that a stop sign was there. i never saw the sign & i wasnt paying attention at all. i just went on my way.

& when my sister & i was mumbling about it later that night she said, "he chose to stop u right in front of the crib because of a stop sign? none of the other cops thought to stop you when you were running out of the lines on the highway on our way here. nobody stopped you when you were speeding. a freakin' stop sign?"

& im thinking to myself: yeah, that was pretty stupid. but Lord, im wondering if it's just a metaphor for what myself is requesting right now...a stop sign. i've been running out of the lines a little bit and telling any and everybody in my way to GET OUT OF MY WAY and right now...i just need a stop sign...take it ez and enjoy the ride. be mindful of the signs & know the right directions to take. GOOD directions will never lead you into the wrong way...

& my mind is finally wrapping around the LONG-SUFFERING game. 1 of the many fruits of the spirit is PATIENCE and surely we take the virtue for granted but look at all the things God has offered His people that waitied. Remember Ruth when she waited? Remember what happened to Abraham when he DID NOT wait? Remember the woman with the issue of blood who traveled with patience many miles and saved money JUST to go see Jesus..and only just the hem of His garment?

my opinion:
Fanny was blinded by what she thought was love and forgot God in the process. there is a process in all these God sends us through, but we sometimes block it out with our BAIL OUT. and with that being said, we end up on rollercoasters we're not mature enough to ride...spiritually. we end in situation that combat God's favor in turn for what favor the enemy within us promises. she.forgot.patience.prayer.peace. and with those things will bring about revelation that this wasnt an approrpiate and wise decision to make. i pray that she does not become overwhelm by this to the state that she doesn't allow God to lead her out. when we are lost the Word says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 and how awesome is this, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life!" so dear Fanny, reserve patience in your heart.

my God. how can we NOT wait? although THE flesh isnt interested in anything that puts "long" & "suffering" together just remember this: Fantasia is just an open example of a private problem we all have.
lessons still to learn, friends.