happy hump day: memory.

i was browsing YouTube and this video was suggested to me. OOOHHH MYYY GAAAHHHH...i remember singing this song at Hightower...2004..graduation! super long time ago (when i think about it). this song was sad..but freshing! we were all so young then...embarking on so many new beginnings! the person am i now and the new people ive come to know...i would have never thought it for myself! good memories with this song! it's hump day! am i the only one glad? =) by the way, we sang waaayyy better than them. check out the bass line tho!

fear is so uncool.

topic this morning: FEAR.

i once heard someone say: fear is fake evidence appearing real.

i always thought that sounded corny as hell. & it still does but i can see where the logic came from and my mind was busy in another dimension when this acrynomn crossed my mind and im like wait...what if fear is REAL? is that impossible?

people have fears all the time. they have fears of REAL situations. fear of losing their job due to lay offs. fear of not being a good parent with a new baby on the way. fear of marriage. fear of intimacy. fear of God. fear of life. fear of aspirations. fear of going into a new business venture. fear of meeting new people. fear of...anything. fear is real to me.

& i consider what fear evokes in people. it creates a whole line of "what-if" situations. it makes us second guess our first mind. or maybe it's our first mind asking us to make sense of a very real fear.

i was listening to a sermon from T.D. Jakes that my sister <3 sent me about making decisions. i probably listened to the part 4 sermon 3 times at work that day and im like...he makes such a complex thought process sound so easy. is God really that easy or do we just complicate Him because of fear? lack of faith?

i recall Jakes saying: you don't have to call on the Lord when you need to go to the bathroom to get His advice on that. He created your mind to make sense of that but you NEED to speak to Him when a decision becomes a point of transition. you dont just DIVE into a situation & then pray. by then, you would have probably made...a bad decision...

& so i look at myself! sometimes i think i THINK too much. how about putting faith to work so i can work less! how about truly praying for decernment so i can relinquish control of uncontrollable situations. how much feeling at ease w/ the concept of fear....

i am a prayerful person. i ask alot of questions. i appreciate these things about me. but at some point...enough is enough. either you're in it or you're not & just perservere through the fear. GOOD things can also be FEARFUL

& so i go back to my opening statement from someone i heard tell me before: fear is fake evidence appearing real. see, i think this applies when you've come to a place where you're SURE of something yet SCARED of the outcome of it all. the hurdles that you'll have to cross over. the pain you're going to have feel. the emotions that may live w/ you forever in the process. that's FEARFUL.

but i love Hebrews 11:1 [[faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see]] because it often reminds me that FEAR can be FAKE in very REAL situations. it's like a test of faith. a test of your endurance. a test of your knowledge. a test of strength.

this entry is definately a testament for me right now but im sure it could be for you too. keep pushing. seek counsel & pray often. a confirmation will come & you'll just move in the MIDST of the FEAR! i've spent the entire month teaching the lesson about FAITH and men and women in the Bible who acted in FEAR through FAITH.

i recall when Jesus went to fast for 40 days and 40 nights and the Devil came to tempt Him. can you imagine...the devil coming to tempt Jesus Himself? The mighty Son of the Father? hmph, not once should we believe that we're exempt from these tough times but thank God for His Word and His Son who have offered endless examples...


day 31 - praying

invitation to rest

I recall the sermon wehere Pastor invited us to "rest". i am receiving that in my spirit! it always seems like hustle mode with everyone but when's the last time u just sat outside and enjoyed all the natural-ness around u? i really reverence any time that i have to do that. Pastor said something interesting, "the very thing you love will start to wear u out..."

-- does that ring a bell with you? i know it did & does with me. i'm finally crafting my skills and my strengths and now i feel like they wearing me out and im too early in their stages to even be wearied yet but i love how I'm encouraged with this Word of Matthew 6:21 saying where my treasure is there i will be also and im sittin hear like i hope one day He'll just be like "good job faithful servant" cause im fearful that i cant beat my worst enemy which is myself...funny how i look over the Words and i immediately eye Matthew 8:26, "Why are you fearful, O you of little faith?"


WOW! God has an on time Word for you. stay steadfast & His promises will surely come to pass. We have to travel through the wilderness & the valley just like the people of the Old Testament but were they not delivered? If God cares for the birds of the air and the fish of the sea, we dare not believe He will not do the same for us!
I just wanted to share that message. It was on my heart this morning.

did FANTASIA bail out?

whew! so much drama surrounding ms. barrino right now! allegedly she tried to committ suicide and was admitted to the hospital. scary right? all of this after finding out her man's WIFE named her in a legal document regarding their separation...divorce...whatever it is. Fanny, i got a message for you..and maybe for yall too! read on...

one tweet i read on a monday morning from kirk franklin said: "i realized i love God but i dont always trust Him..." but i paraphrase him when he went on to say that trusting is a choice and it's a learned behavior....

hmmm...so i realize we're not meant to trust any and everything. furthermore, it's harder to trust someone who's tangible but not really tangible enough. then you get in the "complicated" phase (please see other blog on this topic) but you just have to lend your ear and heart and mind to God in order to know you're in the right direction. ahh...easy to say, i know!

i dont always trust God. lately, i've found myself barely trusting Him at all despite the fact that i've received confirmation about some things i've prayed about...alot of other things really haven't been confirmed for me. or have they? i'm always feeling like im...WAITING...which brings my waiting to year 23 and a half! but sometime when we feel like we've waiting TOO LONG...we get in a rush mode. "oh, i need this. im tired of waiting." or how about "man, ima just needa do this myself!" sound like you? well, it DOES sound like me and i think it's honest for believers to admit that we don't always trust God. we looking for a BAIL OUT.
on my way to work, i speed sometimes. speeding to get to the next place and wanting everybody to get out of my way. my sisters, friends etc always tell me that i drive too slow...idk if im attempting to prove a point to myself that i could get anywhere in record time without having any issues or what but after returning from fiesta texas and pulling up to our over night stay...i got pulled over.

the officer told me i didnt stop at the red light..."your tires never stopped moving...you didn't come to a complete stop..." he said to me. "you have to come to a complete stop ma'am. that's what the sign is there for." and i simply replied w/ a "i complete understand" but after he gave me a warning and let me go on my way..i didn't understand the importance of what he had said...to be honest..i hadnt even realized that a stop sign was there. i never saw the sign & i wasnt paying attention at all. i just went on my way.

& when my sister & i was mumbling about it later that night she said, "he chose to stop u right in front of the crib because of a stop sign? none of the other cops thought to stop you when you were running out of the lines on the highway on our way here. nobody stopped you when you were speeding. a freakin' stop sign?"

& im thinking to myself: yeah, that was pretty stupid. but Lord, im wondering if it's just a metaphor for what myself is requesting right now...a stop sign. i've been running out of the lines a little bit and telling any and everybody in my way to GET OUT OF MY WAY and right now...i just need a stop sign...take it ez and enjoy the ride. be mindful of the signs & know the right directions to take. GOOD directions will never lead you into the wrong way...

& my mind is finally wrapping around the LONG-SUFFERING game. 1 of the many fruits of the spirit is PATIENCE and surely we take the virtue for granted but look at all the things God has offered His people that waitied. Remember Ruth when she waited? Remember what happened to Abraham when he DID NOT wait? Remember the woman with the issue of blood who traveled with patience many miles and saved money JUST to go see Jesus..and only just the hem of His garment?

my opinion:
Fanny was blinded by what she thought was love and forgot God in the process. there is a process in all these God sends us through, but we sometimes block it out with our BAIL OUT. and with that being said, we end up on rollercoasters we're not mature enough to ride...spiritually. we end in situation that combat God's favor in turn for what favor the enemy within us promises. she.forgot.patience.prayer.peace. and with those things will bring about revelation that this wasnt an approrpiate and wise decision to make. i pray that she does not become overwhelm by this to the state that she doesn't allow God to lead her out. when we are lost the Word says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 and how awesome is this, "My comfort in my suffering is this: Your promise preserves my life!" so dear Fanny, reserve patience in your heart.

my God. how can we NOT wait? although THE flesh isnt interested in anything that puts "long" & "suffering" together just remember this: Fantasia is just an open example of a private problem we all have.
lessons still to learn, friends.

xfactor.

the world of mathematics, an "x factor" is an unknown quantity which only becomes known after following a prescribed process.

so, I'm sitting here like, "Okay, x-factor, I get it. It's the unknown when you don't even know it's the unknown until you realize it's the unknown..." kind of confusing huh? But I equate it to life and love in general. I'm still searching for the x-factor professionally, spiritually etc. Looking for it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack...you can't search for what you don't know...

I wonder if for Rhianna, Chris was like the x-factor? He became that friend that became the best friend that became the love of your life. Ultimately, you become consumed by the x-factor. The rush of it all because addictive because that element that you couldn't find before is now here and you have no idea how to control it. Frightening right?

We love the x-factor and hate it all at the same time. I always thought God was the greatest comedian I'd never seen. He says in Hebrews 11:1 - which I paraphase - when the Word says: faith is believing what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. One of my favorite passages because once you begin to GROW UP in yourself...the most inevitable part is CHANGE. I'm coming to believe that CHANGE is the x-factor - you change. people change around you. things become more clear. people cant stand it & well...the x-factor is where you meet the reality that they didnt have an indication of staying by your side anyway - you become VERY aware who the "REAL" people are inyour life. It's the ultimate joy and the ultimate destroyer of our fate. And if the x-factor can't be discovered until after we've realized it was the x-factor...then we're playing with fire almost..hands over an open flame and wondering, "hmmm...will i ACTUALLY burn? will someone SAVE me?

& well...i guess all i'm trying to say is: embrace the elements that will lead to your x-factor. there's a process. there's a NEED for preparation just like seeking the job you've prayed for, the man/woman that closes the gap for you, the friends that will truly and hoenstly intercede for you, care for you and those that will surround a positive light for you. with God, it can't be bad even if don't feel good at the time. worry brings stress; stress brings cancer; cancer brings death. don't committ psychological suicide on yourself.

crazy how Rhianna could inspire my thoughts today even though they are erratic and random. im truly just writing from free thought. it wasn't collaborated....