is sex better than love?

gearing up for bed...turned on my TANK pandora station (idk why i do that to myself...playin with Tank!) and then Trey Songz "sex aint better than love" comes on. now ive heard this song hit the radio a few times and never really paid much attention to it. because of alot of the music trey songz had generally put out before, theres no way i could find myself taking this one seriously...like, seriously, you think LOVE is better than SEX? who knew?

it all seems a bit contrary to some of his music money makers. in theory, i would readily agree with the song. love is better than having random sex with someone you dont love. but then i took a step back and thought about the general idea of sex and i think trey touches on it a bit in the song when he says "and it feels bad and it feels so good" and i think that pretty much sums up what sex kind of falls into...very little...

if you have found yourself in the situation where you have been with someone who you didnt a committed relationship with...you may agree that sex tends to have zero to no security. even when two people knowingly go into it casually...the likelihood of both coming out of the situation the same way they came in is unrealistic and unlikely. have you seen the movie "friends with benefits"? i think its a great sum up of how sloppy the concept can become. even more so, in the long run, difficult for women to comprehend and keep separate no matter how much they are aware of what is going on. its just UNNATURAL for a woman, particularly, to be absolutely disconnected from a man that she knowingly connected herself to. this doesnt mean the sex isnt good...i can just become complicated and then youre in public places trying to avoid this person whose name you cant remember or had a bitter text fight with that resulted in neither of you speaking again.....yeah, one of those situations...

& the security of love makes the act of sex...different. there is absolutely a purpose why God wanted us married before engaging in the act that would (1) generate children (2) provide pleasure and definitely allow two people to connect in a way that God intended..and thats for two to become 1.

so i guess i do agree with trey...love is definitely better. there are few words to describe what that level of intimacy is like between two committed individuals. and although a few *tank* or *trey songz* tracks could EAASSSILLLYYY lead to necessary yet unnecessary thoughts and situations...he got it right on this one. and its such a nice track to add...

possibly impossible?

single. black. female. 3 words that when put together almost seem like a death sentence. im over exaggerating, but am i really? going into the new year...no expectations on my part. but alot of women who fit in these 3 words...are really looking to be found...should that even be how it goes? should love FIND you or should you be actively engaging in the search process? plenty of questions...

a friend sent me this article. i laughed. idk if this woman, but i was thouroughly amused that he thought i could. am i though? hmmm...

Tracy McMillan: Why You're Not Married
how accurate is this for you? welp, i'd figured i'd share and let you decide if you fit the mold.

BE ENCOURAGED!

Article Link: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-mcmillan/why-youre-not-married_b_822088.html

you're beautiful.

a friend shared this with me. the video immediately had me captivated. what is this? two black people...nude? i dont think they will play this on television! but as i kept watching...i felt like i looking at moving art. i havent been captivated by music (at least the recent releases) in a long time.

this video. this song. made.me.think.about.love. and what it looks like. and what it feels like. and what it sounds like. it sounds like...harmony. this video. this song. is abstract. you can look at it, hear it and embrace it from many different directions. it is indeed art.

i know many of us have wondered if "real love" with another person outside of the love we're already offered with God...is real. is love like that real? the man he craddled her. the way she looked at him...like a king. she trusted this man so mcuh so that carrying on his "legacy" was a privledge to her. i am engulfed by the committment by this couple.

i just wanted to share it. a reminder to myself. a reminder to countless faithful singles who are believing, just like i am, that a king/queen is the future and that a committment like this would be like singing to the Heavens that you're proud to stand close enough to them to be one person.

enjoy.

Artist: Timothy Bloom
Site: Facebook or MySpace
Lyrics: CLICK HERE

#1 cause of death amongst blacks??

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

i hope yours was as FABULOUS as my own!

I definately wanted to share that i saw this commercial that grasped me while in bed all day yesterday. Whether you've made the decision to the pro-choice or pro-life, I think we can all agree that the facts do not lie and quite frankly, this is a huge problem in our community. There is more information available by visiting BlackDignity.org

In a recent episode Teen Mom's "No Easy Decision", Anne Chan of the Today show gave some commentary and also posted a clip from the gripping episode. It was disturbing, disheartening and also interesting to watch.

A related topic at the Washington Post provided commentary on the episode that gives some insight into what some viewers may have also felt about the teen mom.

However, I was disappointed that the episode or commentators did not bring into discussion the statistics of African America women and the long term and short term effects that this decision can have on the mindset. Even as a 24 yr old stable woman, I cannot imagine what this would do to my psychy. The thought of what could be going through their minds are only a travesty. In addition, the inadequacy of the locales in providing after-math support to these young girls and women after making such a life altering decision. Although many may appear that it is a life saving decision (for the women not the child), it's touch on these women to handle what has happended to them.

I've met and known many women like Markita, and I hope that we will become more responsible in educating our girls and women in how to ABSTAIN rather than how to PREVENT because the only 100% prevention is and I figured thats a whole new disucssion altogether! I know right, HOW DARE ANYONE ASK YOU TO SAVE YOUR BODY! But seriously, we should promote some aspects of avoiding the immediate gratifications of sexual encounters to appreciating the relationships in our lives and courting to marriage. I mean, does courting totally not exist anymore? Probably a totally other discussion as well...hmph...

and on that note, i figured i'd share a classic video.

where is he?

so, i woke up one morning. felt this and just wrote it without thinking about it. i like it. it's definately apparent that even though in regular conversation with friends and others im not talking about my singleness...my subconcious is definately wondering when it is i plan on handling this subsequent event in my life. well, thats totally up to God and not me but im sharing my subconcious thoughts. i thought this song (via video) but pretty fitting to what i think love should be like. i love this song. enjoy.



i talk too much
im so driven that when i wake up my thoughts and visions had already stored up
for me to write in the morning's sun rise

im consumed in the movement and consistently trying to find ways to improve it
methodically, i share my thoughts
spiritually, im lining up
artistically, i am liberated from myself
but thats just me
where is he?

the one to draw me speechless and make this poetic song bird listen..just once
the once to put me in a submissive and caring space - you're the teacher and im the student
and i just want to be in tuned to you
lost in thoughts, sharing visions and our translations are one in the same...
where is he?

am i gay? *from the journal of the awkward grL*

Rainy Saturday morning in Houston. The thunder was a little alarming, but I was determined to visit this exhibit that day. My thoughts about Houston and whether moving would be a good idea provoked me to explore the eclectic parts of the city. In between the hustle of the mainly conservative downtown streets and the busty clutter of the colorful community of Montrose lies this industrial style building: the Station Museum.


“Because We Are” is the latest exhibit presenting the work of 10 artists experiences and expressions of fundamental concerns of the GLBT community. The pamphlet that I opened says its “not only about GLBT civil rights but it is also one that presents artists whose civil rights are at risk simply because they are.” I thought it was quite intriguing.

And I walk into this building of starch white walls; others painted black with tall ceilings. Overall, the exhibit was everything I didn’t expect. I’m not sure what I was expecting but each room told a story. I kept the general concept from above in my mind and felt like I was entering someone’s home with each twisting maze room. My favorite 3 works:

photo from Z.Muholi "Being" courtesy of carlagirl.net

photo from Daniel Goldstein “Medicine Man 2” courtesy of dramaforlife.ca.za

photo from David Wojanrowicz “One day this kid…” courtesy of theendofbeing.com

- Zanele Muholi “Being” < two black women. naked. exposed. loving.

- David Wojanrowicz “One day this kid…” < imagery story of a child’s growth in a hostile world

- Daniel Goldstein “Medicine Man 2” < 300+ bottles hanging from the ceiling from AIDS patients


Then I’m heading home, in the rain mind you, and I begin to wonder, “Wait, am I gay?” I found it interesting the themes of the artists (even those that I did not mention above). The stride for civil acceptance and the exposure in a world where anything goes…except you. I would eerily identify to the feelings of discomfort and the desire for acceptance and complacency.

Hmm…wasn’t expecting a life lesson from this trip but here’s what I identified:

1. Internal struggle

2. Outward acceptance

3. Fight for the cause

When I decided to become a practicing Christian, the hurdles of temptation of all kinds were thrown in my direction from the person I was dating at the time to the company I kept and more importantly…me fighting me. I kept feeling like I was living a double life!

I recall Romans 7:15 where Peter says, “What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise.” (Message)

And the infancy of transforming to identity to who you should be and what you’ve succumb to lies the reality of brokenness. Torn between what and who you could loss when deciding to finally cross that bridge to yourself. But a glimpse of the freedom on the other side…the freedom from the heaviness that is plaguing you to keep a front of the old life…isn’t even enough to leave COMFORT until you’re forced to face it.

“…She took some [apple] and ate it. She also gave some to her husband [Adam], who was with her, and he ate it. 7 Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the LORD God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the LORD God among the trees of the garden. But the LORD God called to the man, "Where are you?" He answered, "I heard you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; so I hid." And he said, "Who told you that you were naked?” [Genesis 3:6-11]

I love this segment of the story. They didn’t become naked until their eyes were opened, and God basically says how can you be shamed now when you’ve been naked to Me the whole time? I know you!

The reality of coming to grips with whom I’ve begun to become…comfortable in my own skin. The acceptance of burned bridges and savored ones are a part of the healing process when everyone is openly (or not) judging the decision you’ve made, you know? And the question that crosses either person’s mind is: Why me? Why did God choose me to go through this? Straddling a life fence to fit in without compromising yourself and then maturity leads to growth…

It all comes down to where you stand and what you’ll stand up for. The fighter in you is bold, gracious and daring. The other piece of you is still in the closet.

And so I try to draw the conclusion of whether there’s a difference between the Christian fight in me…& the fight in them? While their sin is visible to the world, my faith sometimes makes me a walking contradiction because the sin within me.

The world has a love & hate relationship with both sides. I’m glad I visited the Station to spend the afternoon in conversation with God about the world’s contradictions & my own.

The journey continues…


If you are interested in visiting the Station Museum and “Because We Are” please visit the website.
The exhibit is running until mid September.

Prop 8 overturned...& our moral compass?

And so Wednesday marked the overturning of Proposition 8. I didn’t hear any celebrating in the streets. Then again, we live in Texas so no celebrating of any sort will be happening here, but what was the rest of the world doing? Sleeping and continuing on with their lives it appears. I’m guessing that they weren’t too surprised either.


Listening to Rose O’Donnell on Sirius 102 on my way home from work, she had her son on the show and discussed briefly what this means for the GLBT community. “I grew up realizing I could never have what my parents had. I knew I was gay since I was seven. I would never be able to be married, and it makes you feel different for the rest of your life,” She stated. It made me chuckle a little bit at the word “different”. Different? Out of all the things that the world has succumb to accept is GLBT people. But are my thoughts naïve or are same sex couples that will soon be able to marry become the new modern family?

So I needed to figure out how I felt about this. First, it took me back to my trip to Chicago. The photo above is something I snapped while strolling down Michigan Ave with my sister. It was bold and striking. I like stuff like that. Right there in the window. Second, Modern Family, the show, where one of the modern families actually is a gay couple raising a child they adopted. Incredibly funny too.

These outwardly expressions about the GLBT community must mean that being homosexual isn’t exactly taboo anymore so why are so many of them feeling “left out” because they are denied marriage?

I really appreciate people who take a stand, but isn’t it possible to be on the wrong side or is it just okay that you’re standing? It seems to me that we’ve come to a place where anything goes…and I mean anything. The moral compass of our country has gone into override where even religious people have become accommodating, including myself. It's not like GLBT persons are denied jobs (i work with them in corporate America) or anything like that. This isn't like the Jim Crow days of denial of rights. Those people were actually denied the right to be equal on several areas. It seems to come down to WHAT YOU BELIEVE is marriage. And attempting to convince our country, founded on Christian morals, that same sex couples can do that will actually be encouraging believers to overturn their beliefs. But it’s so vital to take a step back and wonder if we’re totally out of context on this issue?

I picked up some Scriptures on homosexuality:

• Lev. 18:22, "You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination."

• Lev. 20:13, "If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their blood guiltness is upon them"

• 1 Cor. 6:9-10, "Or do you not know that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, shall inherit the kingdom of God."

• Rom. 1:26-28, "For this reason God gave them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27and in the same way also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and burned in their desire toward one another, men with men committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. 28And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind, to do those things which are not proper."

So is the Bible wrong or are we wrong? Marriage, in the dictionary, has changed its meaning from “woman and man” to “two people that love each other”. Marriage, as I see it, is between a man and a woman. Since the beginning of time marriage was about them becoming monogamous to procreate. Well, a lot has changed, and we can tell that from premarital sex, sexually transmitted diseases, children out of wedlock and of course the divorce rates in our country. All of these examples are even supported in the Bible.

Galatians 5:19-21 “It is obvious what kind of life develops out of trying to get your own way all the time: repetitive, loveless, cheap sex; a stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; frenzied and joyless grabs for happiness; trinket gods; magic-show religion; paranoid loneliness; cutthroat competition; all-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants; a brutal temper; an impotence to love or be loved; divided homes and divided lives; small-minded and lopsided pursuits; the vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival; uncontrolled and uncontrollable addictions; ugly parodies of community. I could go on.” (MSG)

Yes, he (Paul) could go on. It draws me to the conclusion that I don’t like the idea of same sex relationships inheriting a “marriage” title. A marriage, in history and of my faith, is something that extends beyond love. It’s a union and a dedication through God. Many people do not get married with these ideas but this is where marriage generated its roots. I feel this way about many of the issues we face today. Stepping out on God, on numerous occasions, has only brought me temporary pleasures in life.

It’s possible to find love in anyone. I’ve known people who have dated both sexes and ultimately ended up dating the opposite sex and the consensus is drawn, whether you feel like you’ve always been gay or whatever the case, it’s ultimately a choice to act on it. The sin of homosexuality isn’t any less than the sin of adultery except one of you might be able to hide it better.

I continue to encourage to extend love, regardless. It’s not my judgement to pass but one day we will all be judged and the only taboo thing I see in homosexuality is calling it a sin. NO ONE wants to hear that with the assumption that you’re “judging” but my faith says what it says and therefore overturning Prop 8 isn’t exactly ideal in my book. I’m looking forward to seeing how it all turns out though. The clock is ticking.

So, where do you stand?

ily friends <3


FYI: If you're interested in reading more check out a San Francisco article - http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2010/08/05/MNCC1EPLQV.DTL&tsp=1