Saturday, January 15, 2011

just for T.O.N.Y

When I first thought about writing this, it was titled, “I hate T.O.N.Y” because you think about T.O.N.Y nothing about him makes you think with a clear head. Haven’t we all had those T.O.N.Y moments? That man/woman whom absolutely became a consumption and a feeling that all of a sudden things changed? For whatever the reason for the change, the love...the need for them and the desire did not go away. The realization is that you just can’t have it like that anymore. It’s not at your disposal. You can’t control him/her but you can’t control how you feel either. Hmm…then, the hate sets in. “I hate him. I can’t stand him.” Quotes that are often untrue but easier to say than admitting that you still love someone who is no longer healthy for you. It’s the hate of how you can’t handle the confusion.

Although the song is referencing a relationship she had with a man, we can encounter T.O.N.Y with our friends and our lovers. I too have had similar experiences but how we deal with them becomes our defying moment that T.O.N.Y simply cannot offer us. I tried to think of Scripture that would be fitting for this, but it wasn’t until recently while studying with a friend that I realized Luke 5 is a great way to recover from T.O.N.Y.! Why? Because it teaches the lesson of being out with the old and being in with the new!

In this point in Jesus’ life, He was doing miracles, healing people, prophesying and being an example. All the while, He had the naysayers and nonbelievers following His every move and discounting His work. Can we equate these naysayers to T.O.N.Y? Yes! Whether he/she walked away or whether we chose to send them packing, it was GOOD reason for doing so! Maybe they were supportive, became a person who revealed they were unreliable or trustworthy, a person of little faith and small minded…whatever it was, it was a GOOD reason for YOU and that’s all that really matters! This is the same with Jesus’ message in Luke 5. He decided to make a change in things that He saw fit to be changed ACCORDING to God’s mission for Him. The people whom were used to following the NORM weren’t ready to accept His change but one thing I’ve learned from Jesus’ ministry is that He didn’t waste time trying to CONVINCE you that what He was doing was right with His words…He was a man of action and conviction and diligence which is something the Pharisees didn’t appreciate. He just moved forward regardless of what any else said He knew that this was what He was supposed to do. Although it is harder for most of us to relieve our minds and our hearts of T.O.N.Y because he/she has been with us for a long time and has also been with us in good and bad times, we references Ecclesiastes that reiterates that there’s a time for everything! And there time is UP!

When we get to the point where we’ve accepted that this individual is no longer going to move forward with us, there will be people (including T.O.N.Y) who will either support you or discount you. Have you heard these before?
- “He takes good care of you. If he cheated, you need to forgive for the sake of the family…”
- “Nobody’s going to love you the way that I did”
- “You can’t continue doing this without me! It will fail!”
- “Girl, I am SO glad you left him! You know n*ggas ain’t no good anyway!”
That’s just to name a few. The last one was like a positive negative. They are supportive of you but in general, they still place a negative connotation on the collective. We must be mindful of all the good and the bad feedback we receive and weed it out to focus on our decision being our decision allow. It is okay to seek WISE counsel (the Bible supports this) but the decision has to ultimately align with what our hearts know is correct. If you refer to Luke 5:15-16, you notice that Jesus was receiving great feedback after people saw all that He was equipped to do. Yet and still, He “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” It brings into perspective how Jesus dealt with making decisions, good and bad ones regardless of public response. He spent time praying and being alone which is OFTEN the best decision when we know we are making decisions that will provide overall and personal change!

But I know it’s easier said than done! You might feel like Beyonce in the verses of this song (see below):

I know I did, and it doesn’t feel good at all. It’s a work in progress from moving T.O.N.Y from being seen in the positive light because all we want to remember are the best of memories but we have to accept the reality that they were a learning presence in that point in our lives and God will not remove something it is not going to be replaced with something better! It goes back moving us from the old and into the new and I love how The Message Bible translation sums it up in Luke 5:36-39. And if continues to be difficult, I always found this video a comic relief and another way of putting things into perspective >> We love the T.O.N.Y for what they were because sometimes it’s not that they did anything wrong to us it’s just simply that they no longer fit into God’s plan for us and that’s okay too. =) Good luck.

Monday, January 3, 2011

#1 cause of death amongst blacks??


i hope yours was as FABULOUS as my own!

I definately wanted to share that i saw this commercial that grasped me while in bed all day yesterday. Whether you've made the decision to the pro-choice or pro-life, I think we can all agree that the facts do not lie and quite frankly, this is a huge problem in our community. There is more information available by visiting

In a recent episode Teen Mom's "No Easy Decision", Anne Chan of the Today show gave some commentary and also posted a clip from the gripping episode. It was disturbing, disheartening and also interesting to watch.

A related topic at the Washington Post provided commentary on the episode that gives some insight into what some viewers may have also felt about the teen mom.

However, I was disappointed that the episode or commentators did not bring into discussion the statistics of African America women and the long term and short term effects that this decision can have on the mindset. Even as a 24 yr old stable woman, I cannot imagine what this would do to my psychy. The thought of what could be going through their minds are only a travesty. In addition, the inadequacy of the locales in providing after-math support to these young girls and women after making such a life altering decision. Although many may appear that it is a life saving decision (for the women not the child), it's touch on these women to handle what has happended to them.

I've met and known many women like Markita, and I hope that we will become more responsible in educating our girls and women in how to ABSTAIN rather than how to PREVENT because the only 100% prevention is and I figured thats a whole new disucssion altogether! I know right, HOW DARE ANYONE ASK YOU TO SAVE YOUR BODY! But seriously, we should promote some aspects of avoiding the immediate gratifications of sexual encounters to appreciating the relationships in our lives and courting to marriage. I mean, does courting totally not exist anymore? Probably a totally other discussion as well...hmph...

and on that note, i figured i'd share a classic video.