nostalgia - ashanti

the only thing i wanted to share today is....ashanti.

i find myself in alot of nostalgia like moments. and today is no different.

i have no idea what ashanti is doing lately but i remember many times sitting in my room jamming to ashanti's first album with my sister or my friend ashley...literally singing the day away.

idk. that album was the ish. and i wanted to share that. 

the day.

hmmm....

i told myself i would write more often. reflections and such.

there are alot of times the mind is always going and im never quite sure what to say...
because the mind is always going and there's always something going on.

today the current events that ran through my mind...
- oil
- nigeria
- paris
- #blacklivesmatter
- beyonce...not pregnant
- the Panthers are out of the playoffs...and the Cowboys

just a few of the things that had my mind going. the brain has got to be tired.

when i was on the gym today, i decided to just sit...quietly...in the sauna. i did that for about an hr in up to 160 degrees. stretching and inhaling and exhaling...the yoga experience. i saw this older woman standing in the mirror outside the sauna door. i think she was waiting for someone who was in a stall. a spanish...mexican...or something like that...she was so short. a very small woman. she was just standing in the mirror...not looking at it but just looking toward it.

i just noticed her face. the relaxed look of it. the simplicity of it. and the hardness of it. i wondered what she did for a living. she looked north of 40...maybe 50...i wondered what it was she had done all these years. what has she seen? this was a woman who had seen the 60s of this world. sometimes i wish i could have seen the 60s of this world. when things were dramatically different. more than anything i figured she was a mother. and i wondered whether she shared those journeys with her daughter. but she had lived. a life that may not have been perfect or clear or simple. but she lived. and it mattered.

thats the lesson that i learned today. you matter. i matter. we matter.

-bk

its like...

rolling over and nestling in
being weary and having someone catch you
being naked and you're fully dressed
'are you sleep?' '...no'
never ending comfort
never ending anxiety
open windows on a cool stormy day...naked
NYE kisses on the patio in the dark

not a fucking care in the world nobody came to the party - but you



:) bk - love

morning

this reminds me of ever present God is. how beautifully the sun rises each day...diligently. to shine for us. even with clouds. you're purposeful today! :)

hello.

there are some songs...even albums that resonate with me. some songs or albums just kind of remind you of a time and place in your life. flood of memories and what not.

2014 forest hills drive by j cole just does all the above. i think its the first hop hop album ive heard in awhile (because wale is a close favorite and his Gifted album was EVERYTHING) that reminds you of how beautiful words can be. how words MEAN things. and even the lack of them.
this album reminds me of regret, concern, sadness, joy, hard work, excitement, celebration, stress, worry, love, aspirations, admiration...damn, alot.

im kinda obsessed with it. and my favorite song on the album right now is...none other than..."hello"
you should take a listen. and be inspired.

love.

i think paul mooney is everything...

between watching an awesome marathon of First 48....ive been inundating myself with Paul Mooney standup and comedy. occasionally, i go back and watch the same ones to refresh myself with how funny he is.

i had to write a paper about a comedic figure my freshman yr in college. i wanted to write about paul mooney but cowardly thought he would be too much so i opted for the next best...richard pryor. might as hell been mooney...

ive never seen PM live...i would to but when they talk about black comedic legends...they often exclude PM. idk. this man is HILARIOUS. and what i learned from writing my comedy paper in my English class those years ago...my teacher would often keep asking me, "thats funny...but why is it funny?"

i want to say PM is funny bc he is real. but that would to be so vague and insincere to his craft. he's unapologetic to what he feels, he shares life from his perspective, he exumes the pain of racial inequality in this county and then encourages us to laugh at it. it's a really strange feeling when experiencing PM comedy.

more than anything, PM comedy reminds me of my Mother. i think i shared a PM video with her once or twice bc i know she thought Richard Pryor was funny but bc of PM racial remarks, i knew my mama would get a high off of that!

lately, PM is the closest to hearing my mother laugh i can get. and well, thats enough.

thanks Paul.

conviction.

ive gotten through...what i believe...to be the toughest part of the book of im reading. its the part of the book where you must plan and reflect and plan and commit. these are all words im familiar with and once found little fear with...but its taken me 3 days to get through this part of the book. finished today. with reflections and planning...but little commitment. not yet. that part is way too...in your face.

i think thats the hardest part of the "resolutions" people do every year. a couple of days ago i came across of list of things that i wanted to do this year...mostly around the house, a little travel and what not..most of it i did. and i smiled at the reflection of it. i hadnt referenced this list to remind me what i wanted and i needed...conviction did that for me.

and therefore...i eventually committed.

its a strange thing how fear comes with conviction and commitment.

just a thought...

so appropriate :)

make sure you're loving on yourself.