Wednesday, December 29, 2010

where is he?

so, i woke up one morning. felt this and just wrote it without thinking about it. i like it. it's definately apparent that even though in regular conversation with friends and others im not talking about my subconcious is definately wondering when it is i plan on handling this subsequent event in my life. well, thats totally up to God and not me but im sharing my subconcious thoughts. i thought this song (via video) but pretty fitting to what i think love should be like. i love this song. enjoy.

i talk too much
im so driven that when i wake up my thoughts and visions had already stored up
for me to write in the morning's sun rise

im consumed in the movement and consistently trying to find ways to improve it
methodically, i share my thoughts
spiritually, im lining up
artistically, i am liberated from myself
but thats just me
where is he?

the one to draw me speechless and make this poetic song bird listen..just once
the once to put me in a submissive and caring space - you're the teacher and im the student
and i just want to be in tuned to you
lost in thoughts, sharing visions and our translations are one in the same...
where is he?

Sunday, December 26, 2010

if i were a boy...

i hope everyone have a great christmas! i had a great day, and i kind of wish christmas had ended up thursday so i could have that extended weekend before i have to go back to work. but it's cool. but i was driving home from my mom's and i was thinking about, 'wow, if i were married, i wonder what would be going through my husband's mind at this time? would he be stressed out about the christmas thing? spending and all that?' and im not sure what drove me to the thought...

but it made me, i cant even imagine what its like to be a man...the minute he comes into the world he will carry it. and without proper guidance, it will be so hard for him to know how to handle the authority and power he's been given. just thinking about all the things that a man has to handle...hisself and then his family and everybody is expecting him to be everything. some men just cant handle that. they leave their kids. they leave their lives and they become like children just wanting to be but then the men whom actually chose to carry their cross and must walk through the public square and be subject to ridicule, praise, honor & dishonor...i just cant imagine the burden he carries...

& it brought to mind Mary's (Jesus's mother) husband Joseph. I mean, what was he supposed to do knowing that a man was being born from his wife whom he did not impregnate? A man who would come from his wife and be the man to change the world as he knows it? The Bible doesn't talk much about Joesph though...

but i never feel like they get enough credit. im sure Joseph had to get his ego in check to handle what was about the happen in his life. and i can only imagine the only countless men that ive known who have had to swallow their pride to humble themselves to be leader and follower simutaneously. and i have yet to believe that i will ever understand what it's like to be a man but unlike the "if i were a boy" song...i have great faith that ALL men have the best things to offer. in fact, God has ordained them to be our fathers, friends and leaders. and we should have no problem uplifting them when they EXCEED our expectations because they chose to stand in their authority. the issue is often our expectations are low and our brothers are running on low energy...

i read a quote from @MonicaMyLife via Twitter that said: To all my fellas so much is expected of you, but don't hesitate to reach out for help from those u love. Being 2 strong or 2hard will break u

i TOTALLY agree! sometimes we are quick to speak, quick to request and simply do not listen to them. you know...when Jesus got tired one time He sat at the well and asked the Samaritan woman if she could draw Him water. He told her things that other people did not know and she went back to tell others the Good News. i do not equate our brothas to Christ but the situation is similar. The men in our lives ask for a little when they know we demand alot and already know what we want and need. He is simply trying to get some wiggle run to become a priority on your list as much as you're a priority on his.
so the next time you're listening to that Beyonce track..don't forget their are countless, faceless and nameless men whom are working overtime on our behalf, on the behalf of our communities and their families. and aren't we glad that they still exist?

i'm praying & interceeding for all of you =)

Monday, December 20, 2010

consumed by hair.

YES my hair journey continues and im keeping my product use to a minimum while maximizing my styling potenial! im REALLY loving this natural hair journey this time around. it's making me be creative and explore other parts of me which is exactly what my last natural hair journey did but in a different way. THIS time around im totally aware of who i am and now im just playing with it...and dressing it up!

so i got a NEW protective style which i have totally fallen in love with and im really having fun trying new things with it. thanks to youtube and my own hands and water bottles...AND HairStopandShop for the discount ive really been able to transform, reform and mold my new hair piece! if you're interested in what the hairpiece is please visit: BK's new protective style at HairStopandShop

im not sure if everyone is a FAN of wigs. at first, i wasnt either. it freaked me out because after seeing so many lace front wigs out there (which i OPENLY hate)...i was totally against looking crazy with a false hairline and a crazy piece on my head that made me look...soulful (my new favorite word). but my last 2 protective styles have been wigs and have gotten rave reviews from friends, coworkers, strangers etc. so im just going to continue to run with it!
but as far as my hair regiment. im sticking to the basics. i've been really utilizing oils and hair milk (of any brannd) to keep my hair moisturized. with the changes in the Houston weather, i've gotten used to washing and co-washing my hair every 2-3 days and moisturizes my hair with the milk really good and putting on a shower cap overnight. i'll put my wig cap on and put on a hair piece to where for the day. it's been really great overall for my hair and it almost feels like it's growing out faster than expected. i'm trying REALLY hard to stay away from the "BIG CHOP" this time but we will see.
so here's some pics of my hair process lately and what the growth is looking like:

my hair dry
 my hair wet

my hair after a day of conditioning and then braided

shower cap underneath and my current protective style VERY natural looking.

so im REALLY working out this hair thing and LOVING it! and i figured the song & video above was very fitting for the occassion. happy Monday, folks =)

Sunday, December 19, 2010

got patience?

Can you think of a fruit of the Spirit that can be more frustrating than anything? I CAN!


im not gonna lie. i've heard Pastor give many messages related to this. for single women, "wait on your Boaz" for the married couple: "wait on the Lord" for the college student: "stay in there! God's got you!" to the single mom financially in need: "wait on the Lord He will renew your strength!"

the message is freakin frustrating. when you're anxious about the things that you feel entitled to or things you've been waiting for for like...EVER! but i thought i'd share the message I heard from Pastor before & how i've managed to deal with this --Patience-- thingy.

Message: It is delayed, but it is not denied. he's basically saying "you gotta wait..a LIL while longer.." and i have to admit this just tugged at my heart strings. i take my life as an example. many things i had to wait for right? had to wait to go back to school after Katrina..had to wait for financial aid..had to wait to get a car..had to wait to get a job...& around the time Pastor delivered this message i was waiting for a clear direction because of the plans i prayed about & Pastor is telling to WAIT....AGAIN???!!

i submit and im tryna go down this road...use the gifts and all that good stuff but as Pastor kept speaking i started to let that message just marinate past my surface...past the hatred...past the pain...all that craziness and stuff...and meditate on Pslam 116:1-4 and it came back again today...

Psalm 116

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;

he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,

I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,

the anguish of the grave a]" class="footnote">[a] came upon me;

I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD :

"O LORD, save me!"

Is that not a cry out if you ever heard one? Just a desire to move OUT of the waiting room to the playing room...moving&shaking room...whatever you decide to call it.

I mentioned that Ecclesiates is a great reference of the percetion of time. There's a time for everything but also take into consideration of all the "times" listed in never says a time to be "blessed" because regardless of the season we are in...we are ALWAYS blessed!
and Pastor asked us to understand why this delay maybe happening:

1. There is a delay when it's not God's timing.

2. God delays because He has to develop us.

3. While in delay, God is evaluating your diligence.

4. He will delay so that your blessing won't be destroyed.

Pastor emphasized that chronos (finite) is OUR time but chiros (eternity) is HIS time. and non-believers may consider these semantics but He is real and based on the COURSE of my struggle and my delays...He has GOT to have a better agenda for me. it's just all apart of the transition. Stress and strugglea strengthen us! Diffculty develops us for our DIVINE destine but when we are out of order...everything is out of order. It is NOT His will...

consider your finances or your relationships or networking opportunities when you listen to this verse:
Matthew 25:21 (New International Version)

21"His master replied, 'Well done, good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your master's happiness!'

THE REWARD IS BETTER THAN THE STRUGGLE! Don't expect elevation until He's evaluated you. Since when do we get free passes in life? Everybody want the EASY way out. So here's some tips that I follow to work on the whole patience thing in no particular order:

1. Do not be consumed with the immediate gratifications
2. Pray for God's angels to guide you & for your discernment to be open to the signs He gives
3. Consult others of authority including the Bible
4. Keep an open mind that plans can change

and so i continue to tell myself don't RUSH. be PATIENT. that man will be there when you get your life together. that woman will be there when you're standing upright for the Lord. that job will be there. that car can WAIT...if it's for's gonna be catered to you!

but we are far from perfect so we still become frustrated, worried & concerned but as Pastor says: i speak from my imperfections. this isnt the first or the last time i, you or anybody has been in the waiting room. it's how we act when we're in there. and most importantly the memories of having had been there before and getting through it. there is no less reason than to continue to believe that we'll get through this one too =)


did you forget something?


Pastor gave a great sermon this morning reminding us about the reason for the season. It made me think about the many times I've been in the during the holiday season..lists in hand and just occupied and then, without failure, i get this confused look on my face before i leave the register and take a look at how much i just spent. the cashier looks up at me and asks me, "are you forgetting something?" i usually reply by saying "no" but after hearing Pastor's sermon this year...i feel slight...shame. why is it every Christmas season we have to remind the kids...the adults..everybody exactly what the season is about? i felt like Pastor was asking..."hey, hey...are you forgetting something?"

Pastor summed up His sermon from Matthew 2 by reminding us that Christmas is about worship (which is really what we should do all the time) but to worship His coming through birth at Christmas time. It's all about the celebration of His works to come! It's a confirmation of another classic verse that says in two places Luke 12:34 and Matthew 6:21 - Where your treasures are, there your heart will be also. So the question is...where do our treasures lie? Where are our hearts?

It just made me think about..where are my treasures? It hasn't felt like Christmas since I was a kid. But Pastor continued that we've allowed the world's view of Christmas to take over the focus of what Christmas is which is CHRIST. We've removed that aspect to focus on giving and receiving gifts...which IS NOT bad but we've begun to idolize the whole concept that people are going in debt over it. THAT certainly isn't the way God wants it. children are making laundry lists of things they want and dont even have the foundatio nor the concept of what it is to give just as God gave His Son to us...hmmm THAT selfish spirit also is not the way God would want it for our children...

i wondered. does God think we live in a utopia? is He asking too much of us? but i've drawn the conclusion that He's only requesting the minimum similar to the tithe. It's only a portion of all that He's given to us. a PORTION. give me a little and i'll give you alot. it's like...He's ALWAYS working overtime for us. but then we make to feed our kids the whole Santa concept without really sharing the Christ story and feeding that into their spirits. i dont think it's bad to have christmas trees etc...i LOVE Christmas decorating but we give SANTA too much credit! Those whom are unbelievers or what have you...even believers...would like to feed their kids the concept of a man coming down their chimney, showing up once a year and giving all the kids in the world toys (unsupported by history and basically a fairytale) rather than the new first steps to the realization of a prophecy finally coming to past.

i believe that God, Pastor etc are asking of us is NOT to forget what this is all really about. don't forget the Truth. don't forget the reality of the situation. don't get lost in the the song posted above has just really been in my spirit this whole week! and i finally tracked down who it belonged to via you tube today and really needed to share this song bc it's a ministry all it's own!

Song: Don't Forget The Baby - G. Mayes, NE & Nakitta Clegg-Foxx

sometimes i wonder how God can continue to love us in all of our ways but i remember that He said to forgive 70 times 70 and His love is endless to take some time out of your laundry list of gifts to give to share with your children, a child, a family member and a neighbor the true reason for the season. you might forget 1 gift on your list just dont forget this one =)

happy holidays

Saturday, December 11, 2010

How about you do something crazy…

After being single for almost two years now and absolutely content and happy at this point in my life, I wonder whether God is ready to invite love in my life again. It’s a very vague and under produced idea in my head but with so many around me entering this love season and others on the edge of divorce or divorced, I’m wondering whether I’m falling behind by not making it a priority to pursue love or scared because I’m not ready for the responsibility that love requires.

And then I had this great idea that in 2011…do something crazy…fall in love!

But is it really a crazy idea? Does love find you or do you find love? I ask myself these questions while buying grocery and trying to grab that item on the shelf that I can’t reach. A man would have been helpful with that. Or maybe when I’m trying to rush through the store, we could tag team and get things done quicker. I love the team work aspect of what the relationship is, but the love part?

I think the worse feeling in the world next to being shot is having to repair a broken heart. Sh*t hurts, right? You don’t know when it will heal or how you’ll get over it all and then somehow God shows you a silver lining that reminds that there’s an AFTER when you’re absolutely liberated from the disaster you once were. There is room to love all over again and not half way…all the way. I’m reminded of the moment when one of the disciples asked Jesus how many times to forgive and He said seventy times seven.


Unveiling yourself to someone else in hopes that they receive you in the same way that God receives a lot to ask of a person. We become different people with a mission that now includes two and no longer are my feelings my sole responsibility. Someone else has some sort of control over how my feelings are and there are mines. And the true thought of what love is makes me weary that jumping into that boat prematurely will make me bitter like a Basketball Housewife. I could turn into a woman who never wants to marry like Halle or Oprah. I could become like countless women who say, “I wish that I had…”

But I’m trying to stay positive about it. I’m still in my youth to make a considerable amount of mistakes but just as I’m choosing to take risks with my career, why not do something as equally crazy and open my heart and my life to possibly looovvveee again. Because when you’re in it, it’s the best feeling in the world. The one place where you feel completely sane outside of having had found that wholeness in my singleness.

So yeaahh…we should take that quest together ladies and gentlemen. We should allow 2011 to open us up to being crazy in love like we once were before we knew what “the end” looked like. Because at the end of the day, you only need 1 to say “yes” and you only need to say “yes” to one.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

makeup minimalism

i recently published an article with AC discussing some key points about make ups that can really be natural make unders! here's some items and tips that i'd like to share!


1. my faaaavvooorriiittteee mascara is MAYBELLINE Falsies Volume Express. i have no idea how i've gone my whole life with this mascara. i was previously using Covergirl's Lash Blast and was NOT impressed by the results. this mascara (Falsies) has just been the biggest increase to my look. without all the other things, this mascara is more than enough to update a look. you also do not need to apply alot in order to get a great appearance. i've included some application tips in the article.

2. LIP GLOSS -- a a huge love for Carmax. it's a great moisturizer for the lips but there's also great lip glosses that add these values also. my favorites tend to always come from Victoria Secret. I'm also a huge fan of Mary Kay nourishine gloss. After getting it as a gift for my bday last year, i've been hooked! I'm wearing at Carmax, VS Denimmania Sweatjeans gloss and the Marykay nourishine in this photo.

3. BLUSH! I don't have a product favorite. Right now...I'm doing a soft red lipstick to create a soft blush that works for my skin tone. For a dark skinned woman, I thought anything like blush and red lipstick would be ridiculous, but it's been the opposite. I've enjoyed playing with it. This webpage is quick, easy and helpful:


If nothing else, makeup doesn't have to make you look like a clown. Subtle enhancements are just as good as looking like a MAC make up applicator. Keep it simple for your busy and hectic days and add a little to dress up your evening.

she's single =)

okay so SAINTS...beware...and also this is NOT for children. definately for the grown & sexy and YES im promoting it with my heathen-like self. lol! so i saw this posted at which i check regularly at work, ya know, for entertainment since they block all the other websites! & they had this posted. well, from the comments i saw, i aint no business looking at this. hardheaded, i started it up anyway and it had that Lil Wayne "Single" beat i had heard so i didnt know WHY Raheem DeVaughn would have it...then i started watching...watching..ow! what was that?! *click x at the top of the window* yeeaaahhh i coulda got freakin fired if i kept watching! so watch at your own risk!

A+ on the erotic nature of the video but not enough to come off as man-whoreish even though the nature of the video was him cheating with a woman who had a man. the sexual nature of the video was classy and not overbearing like a tacky porn or a really bad rap video with booty all in the cam and crotch in ur tv screen so im pleasantly satisfied in the watch!

anywho, enjoy. i also think you should check out his mixtape which released on November 29 [[Jackin' for Beats]]! The download is available as well as previews at this link:

Raheem also discussed the video which is posted at a related blog site:

So what you think...too much?