Wednesday, September 4, 2013

misconception of single life.

(1) i am not lonely.

i would just like to make that clear. maybe some are but then i would question the integrity of their singleness.

(2) just because im single and nice does not mean im looking

a flirt is often just a flirt. and the end of this day, i'd much rather curl up with my book than with you.

(3) my calendar isn't always available to you mister

dates are exciting, but im not dropping everything for one. before you, i had loving and great relationships with people i enjoy spending time laughing and sharing with. if i have plans to be with them, im sticking to them. pick another day.

(4) yes, it's fun to get lucky...just not tonight...maybe not this yr

respect celibacy. stop trying. it's a turn off. and you'll get turned down abruptly. allow life to progress the relationship. maybe that celibacy shit will go straight out the window. just not tonight.

(5) pity parties are not a girls night out...

it's  for bum b*tches. lady pals, im not sitting around man bashing or trying to figure our why the f*ck you and i are still single. even we are so awesome. we just are. pray for guidance and strength, enjoy life and let it flow. like a stream, it always ends up where it needs to go, right? there is no use in saying how horrible guys are. it's not true. they all aren't horrible. maybe there's been a few bad seeds in your life...what's consistent in that pattern? maybe it's time to self reflect.

(6) toys...

...are for toddlers =/

(7) "i dont wanna dance with you. im here with my girls!"

alot of the time this is true. depends on the gal. sometimes it's a straight up lie, and she's hoping you'll ask for her number. you probably won't, so she's really just there to have fun with her girls!

(8) "let me set you up..."

um, how about no.

(9) dating yourself is strange.

not at all. it's all about self discovery, being outside of your comfort zone and exploring. it's even better with like minded singles who make you feel normal for enjoying being single. often times, the enjoyment of being single comes from great company. singleness is a confidence booster, an opportunity to explore without the fear of hindering someone else and expanding the value you have to offer someone in the future.

being single is all about loving yourself, spending time loving on others and enjoying a fruitful life. although men and women are staying single longer and longer than what alot of women would prefer, it is the changing land space of our lifestyles but our mindset has not caught up with it yet. although marriage and children is an exciting future, it is not anything to rush for but everything to personally prepare yourself to be the best spouse or future parent you can be by being your BEST SELF. no one is perfect but we should always be striving for our personal BEST and consistently on a track where we display EXCELLENCE. those lessons are best learned while we are single, and because of that..i am grateful. you should be too. be proud of yourself. find your passions. seek out goals and chase them. it will be those unforgettable experience that will make the wait worth waiting for.

opinion: black women are under valued.

after the Trayvon Martin verdict came out. i was PISSED! although i was shocked about what the decision had come to be, i was shocked about what this said about how those people in particular viewed BLACK LIFE and particularly BLACK MEN.

i saw Fruitvale Station last night. also pissed me off. so i guess all this is kind of fresh on my mind...

many of the people i spoke with about the Martin case or the people i saw making comments about the case, mostly black people, had many of the same sentiments as me. although i believe many of the black men i saw making comments about it were mad about almost felt like they were accepting of it. expecting it. and therefore not nearly as outraged as one may expect. it is sad and concerning to me.

but it is black women that brought so much attention to the Martin case and were so out raged (IMO). yes, even me. pissed. disgusted and horrified by what it must feel like to be a BLACK MAN IN AMERICA.

is probably an understatement.

we worried that one day our children could be a Trayvon case. a victim to a "just" system where murder was legal based on law. remember Jim Crow?

it just made us angry, but i think black women spoke so loudly, firmly and honestly about it. how we were STANDING BY THE BROTHERS. supporting them. rallying for them. protecting them. ALL of them. because it was necessary. and it is.


what about us? black women.

between music disguised as art and the mentality of some black men that perpetuate the stereotypes, lack of positive imagery and language about black women and carry it forward to young men...disgusts me.

how did we make it OUR business to support ALL of them (no matter what) and then for us to be reduced to women who are hard headed, difficult to get along with, demanding and not open minded (just to name a few things i have heard). how did we get reduced to this? why is it so difficult to PUBLICLY see a BLACK MAN speak positively about black women?

again, not all. but those that are the mouth pieces of our negativity in our backyards, communities and public platforms make it difficult to NOT BE BITTER.

it concerns me that as we get will be difficult to see black men standing alongside black women in the same way we would DIE to do the same for them. and i am just not speaking in the realm of positioning ourselves in our communities but also in relationships.

our neighborhoods are dying without our example. our faces. two. as parents. we are dying. and i have, honestly, heard black men say, "you all too closed minded. you did to date outside your race." which is anyone's prerogative.

but are we wrong that we want to see UNITY in our community the same way you see it in an Asian, Pakistani (or similar descent) or Hispanic community? they STAND together.

it just breaks my heart sometimes. and even makes me angry.
but if nothing else, i trust this: WE, as black women, have a gift and a curse to love them (yes, you) no matter what. and most of will. we will continue to raise black men the best way we know how, we will continue to dominate on college campuses and we will continue to rise professionally. we will keep doing that.

and hopefully one day it will be appreciated.