Monday, March 9, 2015

the gap and my discovery of never having it....

the gap.
its the thing that brought the photo shop scandal to beyonce.
and here it is...plaguing my damn life every day.
ever since i can remember...even in tip top shape...i never had the gap.
so when i looked in the mirror on a weigh in morning reminding myself that one i would have the gap so that i would know i had done the work...
that whole thing went away by the end of the day.
i couldnt believe i still thought "the gap" was possible. maybe it was but not with my body.

i would like to think i am very comfortable in my skin. that i am accepting of my body flaws and curves and all that. but really...i wasnt. because "the gap" is what models on beaches have. its what the women who are in my gym everyday that look like what i hope to kind of look like when im back in that hard core shape again. but me?

at the end of the day looking in the mirror after a shower. i realized.
"the gap" wasnt coming for me. it wasnt meant for me.

i come from a long line of thick thighs. thighs that were meant to kiss and touch. and because they did not mean they were not toned and beautiful. it did not mean that i was any less healthy or athletic than the other women i saw in the gym. it just meant that my body was different. that my build was different. and instead of trying to tear it down and destroy it...i needed to embrace the beauty of what it contributes to my curves.

so i dont hate them after all.
it is a balancing act in my mind to be okay with them.
and to relinquish that bit of self hate is a step in the right direction!
no gap is okay =)