After being single for almost two years now and absolutely content and happy at this point in my life, I wonder whether God is ready to invite love in my life again. It’s a very vague and under produced idea in my head but with so many around me entering this love season and others on the edge of divorce or divorced, I’m wondering whether I’m falling behind by not making it a priority to pursue love or scared because I’m not ready for the responsibility that love requires.
And then I had this great idea that in 2011…do something crazy…fall in love!
But is it really a crazy idea? Does love find you or do you find love? I ask myself these questions while buying grocery and trying to grab that item on the shelf that I can’t reach. A man would have been helpful with that. Or maybe when I’m trying to rush through the store, we could tag team and get things done quicker. I love the team work aspect of what the relationship is, but the love part?
I think the worse feeling in the world next to being shot is having to repair a broken heart. Sh*t hurts, right? You don’t know when it will heal or how you’ll get over it all and then somehow God shows you a silver lining that reminds that there’s an AFTER when you’re absolutely liberated from the disaster you once were. There is room to love all over again and not half way…all the way. I’m reminded of the moment when one of the disciples asked Jesus how many times to forgive and He said seventy times seven.
Unveiling yourself to someone else in hopes that they receive you in the same way that God receives you...is a lot to ask of a person. We become different people with a mission that now includes two and no longer are my feelings my sole responsibility. Someone else has some sort of control over how my feelings are and there are mines. And the true thought of what love is makes me weary that jumping into that boat prematurely will make me bitter like a Basketball Housewife. I could turn into a woman who never wants to marry like Halle or Oprah. I could become like countless women who say, “I wish that I had…”
But I’m trying to stay positive about it. I’m still in my youth to make a considerable amount of mistakes but just as I’m choosing to take risks with my career, why not do something as equally crazy and open my heart and my life to possibly looovvveee again. Because when you’re in it, it’s the best feeling in the world. The one place where you feel completely sane outside of having had found that wholeness in my singleness.
So yeaahh…we should take that quest together ladies and gentlemen. We should allow 2011 to open us up to being crazy in love like we once were before we knew what “the end” looked like. Because at the end of the day, you only need 1 to say “yes” and you only need to say “yes” to one.