Tuesday, August 3, 2010


the world of mathematics, an "x factor" is an unknown quantity which only becomes known after following a prescribed process.

so, I'm sitting here like, "Okay, x-factor, I get it. It's the unknown when you don't even know it's the unknown until you realize it's the unknown..." kind of confusing huh? But I equate it to life and love in general. I'm still searching for the x-factor professionally, spiritually etc. Looking for it is like trying to find a needle in a haystack...you can't search for what you don't know...

I wonder if for Rhianna, Chris was like the x-factor? He became that friend that became the best friend that became the love of your life. Ultimately, you become consumed by the x-factor. The rush of it all because addictive because that element that you couldn't find before is now here and you have no idea how to control it. Frightening right?

We love the x-factor and hate it all at the same time. I always thought God was the greatest comedian I'd never seen. He says in Hebrews 11:1 - which I paraphase - when the Word says: faith is believing what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. One of my favorite passages because once you begin to GROW UP in yourself...the most inevitable part is CHANGE. I'm coming to believe that CHANGE is the x-factor - you change. people change around you. things become more clear. people cant stand it & well...the x-factor is where you meet the reality that they didnt have an indication of staying by your side anyway - you become VERY aware who the "REAL" people are inyour life. It's the ultimate joy and the ultimate destroyer of our fate. And if the x-factor can't be discovered until after we've realized it was the x-factor...then we're playing with fire almost..hands over an open flame and wondering, "hmmm...will i ACTUALLY burn? will someone SAVE me?

& well...i guess all i'm trying to say is: embrace the elements that will lead to your x-factor. there's a process. there's a NEED for preparation just like seeking the job you've prayed for, the man/woman that closes the gap for you, the friends that will truly and hoenstly intercede for you, care for you and those that will surround a positive light for you. with God, it can't be bad even if don't feel good at the time. worry brings stress; stress brings cancer; cancer brings death. don't committ psychological suicide on yourself.

crazy how Rhianna could inspire my thoughts today even though they are erratic and random. im truly just writing from free thought. it wasn't collaborated....